A few tips before unleashing your animal side

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 20/02/2025 (574 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m interested in the recently discussed issue about pets watching their humans having sex. After my girlfriend lost her husband, she was lonely and scared, so she started collecting pets and many of them were allowed to sleep in her bedroom.

But now I’m part of her scene and it’s turning me off. I’ve had nightmares about being attacked by her zoo — not that they’ve done anything yet. I haven’t been much of a lover to this woman, I must confess. I’m normally pretty rowdy and noisy, but not at her place.

I’m watching my back. Should I just fade out of this relationship? I’ve never been as captivated by a woman before, but the sex is still making me pretty nervous with all her animals listening in.

— Nervous to Let Loose, southern Manitoba

Dear Nervous: Don’t give up. You just need to know the rules for being intimate with different types of pets in the room. Animal behaviourists say cats just tend to leave the room on their own when humans start getting frisky, as they’re bored stiff.

Dogs find it mildly disconcerting and need to be gently put out of the room if your activity is about to go beyond mellow affection.

However, big birds such as parrots react more like jealous humans and can be loudly upset if you start seriously making out. So make sure to leave them in another room — possibly with their cages covered — so they can relax while you humans act like you’ve lost your minds.

The whole scene could do with music that blends with your human sounds, so experiment with a pleasant soundtrack rather than total quietness as your lovemaking background.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I feel hugely embarrassed over my first all-the-way sexual experience. My doctor had to break it to me that I’d contracted an STI — a sexually transmitted infection.

I was so careful. I had started taking the pill and was really ready for my first full sexual experience (I’m 18).

I finally met a really nice guy and went out with him a bunch of times. Then one night we had a couple of cocktails and ended up going all the way. It was a wonderful experience.

But now I’ve ended up with an embarrassing STI. So I called up my new boyfriend. I was angry and fired questions at him. I demanded to know what had happened before I came along.

He said the girls before me were on the birth-control pill, so he didn’t have to use condoms.

What was he thinking? Most people know the pill does not prevent STIs. I said sarcastically, “Thanks for the STI.”

He told me to calm down and said he only had sex with the girl he dated before me once, so maybe it wasn’t his fault and said maybe I should confess who else I had been dating. I told him he was the first lover I ever had.

My question is, now that I’m likely clear of the infection, do I need to carry condoms and use them each and every time?

— Scared of STIs, North Kildonan

Dear Scared: Although couples often don’t like using condoms, they are a good barrier to preventing the transmission of many STIs, including HIV, chlamydia and gonorrhea. Unfortunately, condoms may not protect against infections spread through skin-to-skin contact such as genital herpes, depending on the location of the affected area.

So, it makes sense to use condoms when you’re first dating. Serious couples may feel they don’t need them anymore — but if one or both people in the couple are straying, full protection is definitely needed and you don’t want to find that out too late.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography