Don’t assume mom’s obnoxiousness runs in the family

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This article was published 15/02/2025 (601 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My youngest daughter brought her new boyfriend home, and here comes trouble. I know the boy’s loud and nasty mother from the hockey rink. She’s what people call a pit bull with lipstick. She constantly screams at her son and all the other players. Sometimes the coaches have to speak to her.

Well, her son better not be anything like his loudmouth mother and shouldn’t have any ideas about giving any nasty attitude to my daughter. I would prefer my baby get away from that whole family, but my husband says I shouldn’t interfere. What do you think?

— Worried mom, southern Manitoba

Dear Worried: Ask your daughter what the boyfriend thinks of his mother’s behaviour at the rink. He’s probably embarrassed. Don’t assume this young this hockey player is a carbon copy of his abrasive mother.

In fact, most kids in situations with a parent are just the opposite and feel crushed. Perhaps this young guy is very careful not to be rude unlike his yappy mom. If that’s the case, you can finally release that big breath you’ve been holding.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My first love — my wonderful husband — was a deep and dramatic soul to the very end of his short life. Our marriage lasted nine years until he got ill. I almost died of heartbreak when he passed away.

Then it got worse. He started coming back to me in dreams. I became dangerously upset and pretty much stopped eating. Then one night, he told me to let him go and get on with my life. He said I needed to love again.

That night I finally took off my wedding ring and soon started eating and sleeping and feeling alive again.

Not too long after, I found myself another man. We had a great Christmas and New Year’s Eve this year. But after too much champagne, he sat me down and said, “I think I’m falling in love with you, but I might have to give you up because you’re still in love with your husband. I can’t stand that you’re calling out his name when you’re dreaming.”

We broke up, but then last night he came by my house to see if we could try again. I was weakening, but still not ready to make love with him. Before he left, he asked why I couldn’t come to terms with the fact my husband wasn’t coming back. A rude question, but maybe it needed to be asked.

Am I doomed to remain in love with my dead husband forever?

— Going Nowhere, North End

Dear Going Nowhere: The good news is you are not doomed to mourn forever, but you do need help. There’s lots of hope for a happy life if you can talk with a counsellor about letting go of the prolonged grieving.

You’ll need to discuss “allowing” new romantic love and passion to grow with a new person. You need to be able to let the guilt that’s so inhibiting to finally dissolve, so you can be a happy, affectionate and sexual love partner and enjoy the rest of your life. Get good help as soon as you can.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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