Home-life shake-up calls for a serious discussion

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This article was published 14/12/2023 (1000 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My mother nursed my dad all through his illness, up to his sad death. Granted, she had a lot of support from her best friend, who is a nurse. Now that Dad is gone, and there’s no need of nursing help and advice, my mother has started staying overnight at her “best friend’s” house!

That’s OK, I guess. I’m 18 and my sister is 17 and we understand the term “bisexual.”

But then we had an emergency at home one day when she was at her friend’s place! My mom’s old cat was really sick and vomiting. She desperately needed to go to a vet. I couldn’t get Mom on her phone, so I drove over in my car, and banged on the door.

I got her and this woman out of bed — in the afternoon! My mother’s face was red and she was obviously embarrassed. I’d had my suspicions, but this made it obvious. Now, my mother has started sleeping at home again every night, as if that could make that scene I witnessed go away.

What should my sister and I do? We’re not old enough or financially stable enough to be living somewhere on our own, and we both have plans for further schooling. This is so upsetting, I can’t sleep. Please help us right away.

— Feeling Lost and Insecure, Westwood

Dear Lost and Insecure: You need to talk to your mother openly about this but first make notes about what you need to ask. Start with: “Are we in danger of having you going live with your new partner full-time? If so, how soon and what happens to us?”

You may find out in a hurry your mother was only leaning on this woman friend for comfort after your dad died! Or, she may tell you she’s in love with her friend and wants to move in with her permanently, sometime in the future. Be prepared for anything! She may even suggest you four live together as a new family. Be honest, but not nasty, in your reply to something like that.

You may even need to put off post-secondary education off for a year, and work full-time. Investigate student loans and bursaries, and the amount of savings you’ll need for tuition. You should also ask your mom if your dad left anything for your educations in his will that she hasn’t mentioned yet, and how much. You need to know these important things now.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m in my 60s and considered pretty good- looking — athletic build, lots of grey hair. I sold my businesses and retired early. The biggest plus, I’m guessing, is that I have an attractive bank balance, and own two places — one here and one down south.

Unfortunately, my financial situation is making dating confusing. I don’t know what women are attracted to — my lifestyle or me. I have a few women interested, from my sporting pursuits mostly, and one was hinting she “really likes Mexico.”

I already know it’s best to go “snowbirding” in Mexico as a couple, but that doesn’t leave much time to find out who I’d want to take with me this winter. And what if it didn’t work out? I’d want her to go home ASAP, and that could be real messy.

— Itching to Go South, Tuxedo

Dear Itching: If you want to be attractive to the right kind of woman, be honest and open. Your situation right now is you aren’t in a romantic relationship. That means you should just go south solo as the open-to-meeting-a-lady guy that you are. Granted, some snowbird groups don’t like singletons in their midst, but others are just fine with it. And some will even good-heartedly try to match people up. Good luck!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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