Lacklustre liaison has given up the ghost

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This article was published 08/12/2023 (1067 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I just said goodbye to a new woman I had been sleeping with — and I’m still in shock at what she said to me. She told me, while lying in my arms, “I can communicate with ghosts, you know!” She said that while we were still coming down after making love.

This woman freaked me right out! Why would she talk this kind of nonsense? Is she trying to come up with some special identity to impress me? And why did she spring it on me at that very moment?

— Not a Ghost Lover and Not Impressed, Transcona

Dear Not a Ghost Lover: It sounds like those were not the words of a woman recovering from an Earth-shattering orgasm. Her mind may have had some time to wander, so she was looking around for something exciting to say after you touched down. She wanted to make a big impression, but unfortunately overshot the mark, and ended up with the opposite effect.

If she phones you, be friendly but don’t bring up the ghost comment. Quietly discourage anything more with her, as she’s presenting herself as something magical — not a good fit for you, it seems. You need a down-to-earth woman, with confidence in her corporeal self.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m recently divorced and my new girlfriend just acquired a black Labrador puppy, after we had several discussions where I explained why I do not want a dog in my life. She obviously thought I didn’t know what I was talking about, and that a cute puppy would change my mind.

Luckily we don’t live together yet — and may never do so now. She has a cute little house and yard for a pup, but she just got a job that requires her to work in-office alongside partners.

My own job is extremely busy, but I can work from home. She had the crazy idea I could take care of “our dog” while she’s out during the day. I won’t do be doing this. My job requires intense focus for long periods of time, and I can’t have a dog that sits by my desk, whining for attention every 15 minutes.

Last night we had a big fight. When I tried to explain my feelings, she said, “Just love the puppy, for God’s sake! Why can’t you be more loving?” Does she think the only reason someone wouldn’t want a dog is because they are incapable of love? What the heck? Is this the end of us — over a dog?

— No Dogs for Me, River Heights

Dear No Dogs: For some people, animals are so important their partner’s refusal to have a pet is almost as upsetting as a refusal to have a human child. Your present girlfriend is not going to change, as this is a heart issue for her, and she’s seeing you in a darker light now.

You really need to take a clearer look at her. What kind of person tries to foist their dog on their busy, working partner 40 hours a week (and someone who doesn’t even like dogs) so she can go off to work unencumbered? She’s clearly self-centred and couldn’t care less about your working situation — or about the pup when she’s not with it.

You need to find a different kind of partner, so you aren’t the heartless ogre in the relationship. Look for someone whose lifestyle and desire for “babies” of any kind will blend with your own. Also, not wanting a dog doesn’t mean you wouldn’t love a child one day down the road, with the right partner.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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