Give your wife the early gift of blissful silence

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 15/12/2023 (1049 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My party-loving grandma is coming over for the annual Christmas Eve get-together and staying the night again. Oh boy!

The problem is my grandmother snores loudly after she’s been drinking and she’ll certainly be having a few shots. She guarantees that by proposing toasts to everyone. It makes her the star of the party. She tips up her shot glass and drains it after every salute.

By midnight she’s in bed snoring her head off. This year my wife is insisting we get the problem under control since she hardly slept last year.

She says if we don’t figure out something she’ll go home with our daughter and her wife, and sleep there. Can you suggest anything to keep my wife in our bed on Christmas Eve?

— Wanting Her With Me! Windsor Park.

Dear Wanting Her: Giving your wife a pre-Christmas gift of quality earplugs or noise-cancelling headphones suitable for sleeping would address the issue for her so she doesn’t feel she has to de-camp to get a decent sleep on Christmas Eve.

You’ll still need to remain unplugged and available to hear your grandmother if she calls out during the night.

She might need an escort to the bathroom, so leave on a light and give her a Christmas bell to ring for you — glass ones are often available in the dollar stores. Good luck.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My ex-wife has come back to our hometown. She left years ago after breaking up with me — I had a stupid affair when she was pregnant and have been sorry for that, but it didn’t make any difference. I haven’t seen her face-to-face in many years. Our son is grown now and in his 20s.

I can’t figure out why she came back. I also don’t know what she did to herself, but she’s once again looking very beautiful.

My new wife is very aware of that fact. She knew from the beginning that I would always harbour some feelings for the mother of my son. Not that I ever see him. His choice, not mine. I paid support, of course, and he still makes use of the education money I send. Obviously, my money’s good enough for him.

I’m feeling strangely attracted to my ex-wife again and I’m remembering when we were young and in love. I just want to talk to her again. I tried, but she said she didn’t want to hear any of my nonsense and for me to leave her alone. What should I do?

— Intrigued by Ex, southwestern Manitoba

Dear Intrigued by Ex: Do what your ex-wife asks and leave her alone. She’s as much entitled to live in peace in her old hometown as you are. Here’s how to cope, with a little class, when you encounter her: Make good use of the neutral nod. Instead of snubbing her, give her a little smile and a nod, but no words.

This movement says a lot: “I see you and acknowledge you. I’m not your enemy and I won’t bother you.” She’ll find it a relief, and so will you. It’s a skill that comes in handy on the street, in medium to big workplaces and at social functions.

Once she sees you’re not going to bother her, and you’re no longer upset, she may talk to you a little — but perhaps not. Let it go now, for everyone’s sake, including your present wife.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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