Sharing true feelings worth the initial blushes

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 16/12/2023 (1010 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: COVID-19 taught me some hard lessons about not being guaranteed a full lifetime to tell people how you feel about them. Two of my grandparents didn’t make it through the pandemic, and I wasn’t able to see them.

I never got to hug them or tell them how I loved them and thank them for things they had done for me.

I’m thinking differently now. I need to thank family and friends still with me for things such as support after my first marriage ended, protection when I was small and for giving me loans when I needed to change my career. Then there was taking after-midnight calls in more recent years, when I was depressed.

I realize I — a woman in my late 30s — should tell my close relatives and best friends some sappy things a Christmas present can’t say, but still, I don’t want to sound too heavy. Basically, I’m a shy person. How can I say this mushy stuff?

Along with gifts, I want to give something more meaningful to my loved ones this Christmas, but I don’t know how to express it. Please help me.

— Feeling Sappy, North Kildonan

Dear Feeling Sappy: Don’t underestimate the value of loving words. They can make shy, stiff people feel warm and loved — even though they may attempt to brush the compliments off at first.

Since you’re a shy person, try this trick: Accompany a gift with a bigger card than usual. Print the wonderful qualities the gift recipient has shown you inside the card in festive-coloured ink.

They may blush, but you can be sure they’ll read that card many times. Maybe they’ll even put it up somewhere accessible and read it when they want a repeat feeling of your love, warmth and gratitude.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a big guy — 6-4, almost 300 pounds. I accidentally stepped on my new girlfriend’s foot in my work boots and broke a couple of her toes. She screamed over and over again. It was painful to hear, and embarrassing for me.

She is acting OK about it now, at least when we talk, but we haven’t had sex yet. She refuses to stay over and sleep at my place until she’s sure I won’t re-injure her in bed.

She says she can get a better rest at home with her foot safe from danger. There’s something about this I just don’t buy. She’s been acting lukewarm around me in different ways since the accident. Do you think she’s just scared, or is she just not into me much? Just tell me straight.

— Mr. Big, North Kildonan

Dear Big: She may still be feeling angry over your stature (as if you can help it!) and for carelessly stepping on her.

She may be thinking, “If I let down my guard, he’ll step on me again.” You need to check with her to see if this is what’s really going on in her mind. Does she possibly want out of the relationship? She may not be saying anything about that yet because it’s not a good time to look for somebody new with your foot wrapped up — and she feels you owe her some transportation.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography