Over-planning, overstepping in-law out of line

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 21/12/2023 (1043 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My new mother-in-law is absolutely ruining Christmas for everyone in my family and her own. She is so self-centred, she can’t see anyone else’s perspective and has been doing a lot of passive-aggressive “planning.” She’s making so many Christmas plans we couldn’t possibly still have any time for my family!

Last night she had the nerve to tell us to cancel going to a big event with my family so we could attend her small event instead! My wife told her apologetically we couldn’t possibly make it to everything she has planned for this year.

Then her mother turned her back and started crying fake tears into a Kleenex — not the first time for that trick!

We just want a normal Christmas and she’s making it impossible. This is not the first year she’s been like this, but it’s the last time I’m going to put up with it! Advice please, and ASAP.

— Husband Caught in the Middle, St. Boniface

Dear Caught: Your wife needs to know you will gladly handle her mother’s bullying from now on. You’ll need to be firm but charming. Make a new deal. If Mama calls and starts pushing, your wife will say firmly, “You’ll have to talk to the new social convener, Mom. You two can work out the situation.”

Then she’ll hand the phone off to you and leave to do something else.

Who knows? You and your mother-in-law might end up working well together. Once she knows her daughter is part of a strong duo, she’ll have to retire her tears and other bullying tactics. In you, she may have met her match. She might even get a kick out of jousting with you!

Also, it might be time to take a look at this amusing little fact: Your wife married a guy who likes to “handle” things, just like her mother does.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I come from a small town, and I’m going out there for Christmas to be with my family. But I’ve just found out my first husband will also be back in town for Christmas, and I’m in a tizzy. My girlfriend, who still lives out there, tells me he’s recently divorced from his second wife.

I never wanted to break up with him, but I was only 21 when we had our fairy-tale wedding. Sadly, I was very immature and unable to settle into the state of being married. I guess I only wanted our beautiful wedding — and the honeymoon.

After we broke up, I hear my young husband went pretty wild. He only got remarried a few years ago. Obviously that didn’t work out either!

I must admit I’m dying to see him again. So what should I do? I don’t want to leave it to fate and miss him by a day in my little town. I don’t know his phone number, and would be embarrassed to ask people. Would it be too weird of me to Facebook him? I already checked and I know he’s on there. Or should I maybe leave a message with his brother, who lives out there still? He might hate me because I broke his brother’s heart, but that was a long time ago.

— Curious to See Ex at Christmas, St. Boniface

Dear Curious: Never mind asking your ex-brother-in-law to help, as he’d probably be happy to lose your number, in a hurry!

Facebook this ex-husband instead, and tell him you’ll be in your hometown at Christmas, and ask him if he’d like to get together. Maybe he won’t want to see you in the town where people might know you both, and talk, but you two could always go for a drive and have coffee in a neighbouring town. He might refuse that idea too, but he might say, “Why not?”

Please send your questions to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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