Seek lease leeway to mitigate post-breakup standoff

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 29/04/2023 (1270 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I pulled the plug on my relationship with my boyfriend — but he’s refusing to move out! We have a lease for our apartment and there are four long months left. Because I broke up with him, he’s insisting he should not have to leave. He’s vowing to stay and make it as awkward as possible. I don’t feel I should be the one to leave, either.

Since both our names are on the paperwork, we’re at an impasse. I want to start seeing people again, and I don’t want to wait four months. What now?

— Crappy Situation, Winnipeg

Dear Crappy Situation: Splits have happened in apartment blocks before; landlords have different ways of addressing couples who are breaking up.

Explain your situation honestly, and find out what other unhappy couples have been able to do. For instance, some blocks also have smaller bachelor apartments under the same roof. If one or two are empty, that could help in your case, at least for the time remaining on the lease. Some landlords in popular apartment blocks, with eager tenants on waiting lists, may simply agree to rewrite the lease arrangement with a small penalty. The last thing they want is a “midnight-move” situation, especially when they have new tenants eager to move in.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I slapped my sister’s face for calling me a “ho” and she slapped me back, loosening one of my teeth. I left that night and have gone to live with my grandma, who is good to me. She has a job and wants to help me have “a real future.” My sister keeps calling me when she’s drunk, begging me to come back home.

Last night she offered me a lot of money to come back. I said, “Where did you get that much money?” and she said, “Um, babysitting.” I didn’t believe her. Should I go back to save her from doing bad things?

— Worried Older Sister, West End

Dear Worried: This is crisis time for both of you. Your grandmother knows this. Talk to her and tell her absolutely everything about your life back home. She is not going to want you to re-enter that zone. Plus, she may be quite willing to help with a solution any way she can.

If Grandma suggested it, how would you feel if your sister also came to live with you two? Could you girls get part-time jobs to help with expenses? Would Gran help you get education and training? This could be a real opportunity — a time when your lives finally turn the corner.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve had an on-and-off relationship for over 12 years now, with a man I’ve loved and hated since I was in college. We have a long, crappy history. We’ve both cheated on each other, broken up, made up, dated again, then broken up again.

Altogether we have dated about four different times in those 12 years — and sometimes we wouldn’t see each other for many months. We just recently got back together again, but we still have terrible trust issues and are both jealous.

He’s super-immature, and now I’m at the age where I think I want a baby, and I just don’t see him being a decent father. But what’s the point of breaking up again, and then getting back together, for a fifth time?

— Time is Running Out, St. Boniface

Dear Running Out: It’d be cruel to bring a baby into this volatile relationship, as it is. While it might give you a little person to love, it’d be sad situation for that child to grow up in.

What you two need to do first is get counselling to finally end this unhealthy relationship. See your physician ASAP and be honest about the trap you’re in, and also about your goal — to free yourself, so you can have a healthy relationship with a new partner, and be a good parent. Ask your doctor to help you get treatment.

Psychiatrists are covered by provincial health care and can prescribe medication, but there are long wait lists. Psychologists are not able to prescribe, but your physician can do that if need be.

If you have insurance through your work, it may cover a portion of a psychologist’s fees. Once you get straightened out and stabilized, and have worked out your difficult problems, that is the right time to think about having a baby.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography