Time, maturity may facilitate true connection this time

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 27/04/2023 (1214 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I just received a phone call from an old girlfriend, who found out I was going to be in Toronto on business soon. She wants to meet me for “a few drinkies.” Right. I don’t know if I should go down this twisted road again!

When I lived in Toronto, “drinkies” used to be our code for “kinkies.” I was addicted to this slightly older woman and her wild kind of sex, even though I was married and in my early 20s.

I’m finally divorced from my wife now, and I guess word got all the way to southern Ontario, but I’m scared to see my old love again. I used to play it cool, but I was secretly crazy for her. She didn’t feel that way about me. Luckily, I had my wife as my safety go-to, though she had no idea what was going on.

Moving to Winnipeg helped stop this secret relationship.

Now it’s almost 10 years later, and I’m alone and single again. I have to go to Toronto soon, and I won’t be able to stop myself from seeing her for “drinkies.” I’m single, and let’s face it, I couldn’t help myself before even when I was married. She’s single, too. The big question is: How do I protect my heart?

— Still Crazy About Toronto Lady, North End

Dear Still Crazy: You were a young, unavailable married guy when this woman knew you before. She might actually be warmer and more open to you emotionally, now that you’re more mature and single. When you lived in Toronto, she obviously found you hot, but married. She knew you were seeing her on the side, to play sex games. Even if you claimed to have more feelings for her than she had for you, the evidence seems to point the other way.

Since you know it’s inevitable you’re going to see her, you can reduce the “scary factor” beforehand. Start initiating talks on the phone right now. Become friendly and familiar with her and her life now, and you’ll likely find things are more balanced between you. Then your visit might go surprisingly well.

Your potential problems in getting together as a couple are not sexual (hot tamales that you are!); they’re problems of the heart.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This is in response to the letter from “To Buy Clothes or Not.” The man was afraid to buy new clothes after significant weight loss, in case his weight came back. (I told him to buy three or four new outfits instead of keeping the “fat” clothes around and gaining back weight to fit them. —Miss L.)

My own weight fluctuates, so I buy my clothes at thrift shops. I get a nice variety and it’s easy on the wallet, good for the environment and helps a charity. I don’t feel guilty if something doesn’t fit anymore as I can re-donate once I’m done with an article of clothing. It’s a win-win!

— North Kildonan Thrifter, Winnipeg

Dear N.K. Thrifter: This is a smart idea with no potential guilt involved, if clothes don’t fit anymore. One of the big mistakes people make is not trying clothes on. It can be a hassle taking off winter clothing, but spring is practically here, and “try-ons” save dieters from buying clothes a little too big, “just in case.”

A tape measure can be a big help, especially with waistlines and leg lengths. Nothing is worse than a waist that’s off or pants that are flying two inches above the ankles. It’s a total waste of their time.

Final hot tip: To give weight loss a mid-project push, a brand-new jacket to top off thrifting clothes can put a big smile on one’s face. That’s the most attractive look of all!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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