Can’t so easily just swipe ex’s image away

Opinion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I love my second husband, but it was never the “swept away” feeling I had for my first husband. I secretly still love my first husband, although he left me for another woman many years ago and they moved to a different province.

Now they’re suddenly living back here, and somehow it bothers me that we both go to sleep in the same city — but with different partners.

I picture my ex going to sleep with his right arm over his forehead like he always did when he was with me — an adorable mental image I still have of him.

How can I get this picture out of my head? It makes me feel guilty now.

I was considering trying self-hypnotism or a real hypnotist. What do you think?

— Need to Erase It, North Kildonan

Dear Need to Erase it: Get some counselling around the issue of your ex still being stuck in your mind and heart. More than the mental image, that’s what really needs to be erased. Once that dissolves, the photo will finally start to fade away.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My newly divorced mother came home from a trip with an older female friend she always travels with, and announced she was in love with her. You could have knocked me over with a feather. My husband and I never knew they were anything more than travelling buddies.

They plan to get married now, and I feel upset. Apparently, this has been a long time coming.

The woman is nice enough, I guess, and apparently has grown kids of her own. Mom and her want to get married on another trip to the “country where they fell in love.”

We aren’t invited to the wedding, and we don’t know whether to feel left out — or maybe just relieved. What do you think?

— Feeling Odd, St. James

Dear Feeling Odd: Don’t suggest flying anywhere on your dime to be part of the wedding. This couple just wants to celebrate their own relationship. It’s been a secret romance up until recently, so let them celebrate quietly.

If they do half-heartedly ask you to come and it seems like a polite invitation, smile and wish them well, and say you’ll just have a little party when they get home instead.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I love the fall leaves coming down, and on warm autumn afternoons in the past, my ex and I used to take a sleeping bag out to the bush. We would spend a few hours drinking wine and having a final warm-weather party together, making love in the sunshine.

I innocently told my new girlfriend about this and suggested we do it, too. She stared at me coldly and told me she wasn’t going to be a stand-in for a fantasy with an ex.

I would have happily been a stand-in for some fantasy she had with an ex-boyfriend — just to cash in on the fun. What’s wrong with her?

— Too Jealous? Charleswood

Dear Too Jealous? Your new girlfriend is more sensitive than you are, so she refuses to be mixed up in your mind with your ex, who loved this seasonal sex play.

Your big mistake was in telling her this was a favourite fall adventure with another woman. You should have let her feel special on a new adventure with you. Learn to button your lip.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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