Take mom’s blond-siding comments in stride

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 06/09/2025 (366 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: In my romantic life, I’ve been involved with three blond guys. I always choose men who look like my first love. That guy still lives in my small city and says he’s grateful he escaped my hair obsession. That makes me laugh. What isn’t funny is all my guys look like fair-haired men of Dutch descent.

I finally moved away from southeastern rural Manitoba, then along comes this handsome blond guy in July and I was a total goner. I took him home to the annual summer fair, and he met my parents.

After dinner, my mother asked me to do dishes with her like we used to.

Once we were alone, she said, “You have a ‘hung-up’ my girl.”

“You mean ‘hang-up,’ Mom.” I said. She continued by saying I always pick men that look like my father and it was obvious to her and my dad why I did that.

“Do you know why?” she asked.

I said, “Nope, but I know you’re going to tell me.” Then she said, “Your dad always wanted a son, and I gave him three girls. I think you’re trying to marry a boy he never had to be his Dutch son-in-law.”

My mother has a plain-speaking mouth and a loud one. My new guy heard everything. On the way back to Winnipeg, he asked if what my mom said was true.

Caught. I went bright red.

He said, “I don’t want to be a stand-in for your dad’s dream — it’s too much pressure for any guy.” He hasn’t called me since. Is that a loss or did I dodge a bullet?

— Dutch Guy Got Away, Winnipeg

Dear Got Away: Keep on looking for your ideal man, and if he’s not a blond guy, buy him some clogs or a Dutch soccer jersey as a gentle joke.

When you really know you have a serious relationship going with a guy, do this: show up at your parents’ dinner decked out as a Dutch couple of old with you in a white-lace bonnet. That should get a laugh and break the ice. About five minutes of this little joke will be enough, though. Gags with costume components tend to have a short half-life.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a fantastic woman this summer around our lake. We had a great time huddling together in our cabins — we didn’t light any bonfires, except the fire we created between us.

We went home from our places a month early as this cottage season was too emotionally exhausting with the wildfires too near.

Now we can’t decide if we want to sell our two cottages or keep them until we know if we want to get married. Or even if we should just let them both go because they have the smoke stigma attached to them and we want to start fresh.

We both come from longtime lake families and our parents casually know one another. They want us to stay close to their cottages, especially if we get married and they become grandparents. Help.

— Up in the Air, Whiteshell

Dear Up in the Air: The best way to regain a feeling of safety toward your cottages and the area is to give the situation some time to recover, if and when it can.

So, take the pressure off and give it a year or two watching what other people choose to do. Some will be surprisingly innovative and you can borrow the best ideas.

You might also want to look at land further away from your usual territory. Or you could decide to become wait-and-see renters for next season — long enough to cast off your jitters.

Also, some people are looking seriously at hauling tiny cabins up on trailers. Then you have a dwelling you can offload and call your own, and then load back up to haul home when you want or are forced to do so.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography