No sense in putting off seeing old flame

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This article was published 23/01/2025 (560 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m in a state of shock. The love of my life has moved back to Winnipeg. We almost ruined his marriage by having an affair eight years ago. His wife found out and dragged him back to their hometown in another province. We are both men and now we are both out.

I know his phone number like it was tattooed on my heart. He called me six times at work this week before I finally had the courage to pick up the phone.

He told me he’s back here alone and is at his old place of work at a lesser-paying job. He and his wife are getting a divorce and his kids are done school now.

He wants to see me desperately, but I don’t want to see him. At least, not yet. He says he’s still “addicted” to me and I don’t like that word.

I was crazy about him when we worked together in the same business, but now I can’t sleep and I’m slowly turning into a wreck. What should I do about him?

— Torn Up, Winnipeg

Dear Torn Up: It’s inevitable you two are going to see each other at least once, so why prolong the pain of waiting? But be prepared for anything. Life and love are strange in the way feelings for another person can change over time. You may see each other again and the feelings may have dimmed to a kind of friendship — and a sad one at that.

You don’t mention a marriage partner or children on your side. It sounds like this fellow has “paid” more for your affair than you did. Maybe he hopes to justify that cost by seeing you again now that everything on his side is free and open and good.

You may or may not be feeling the same way if you see him. But if you do not see him, you’re going to spend a lot more wasted hours guessing, so face up to the situation and meet this ex-love, at least once.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I eat nervously when I’m revved up creating images and advertisements for my boss. I’ve received excellent feedback from him, but I’m also getting dangerously overweight.

My doctor told me this week I need to look at my eating behaviours and take notes so he can address the number on the scale. Also, there are some tests he’s going to ask me to undergo.

I know he’s worried I’m at risk for the diabetes two other people in my family have. The thing is, I work at home near the kitchen because it’s the cheapest office space I can get.

Enjoying treats and drinking pop gets me into high-imagination mode and I can work for hours. I’ve tried working in the bedroom, further away from the fridge and cupboards, but I end up eating and drinking in there too — with a bag of cookies beside me.

My skinny know-it-all wife works outside the home and runs long-distance. She says I should try chewing the ends of my pens for my nerves. Ha. She’s ridiculous. Pens are only good for a little worrying and nervousness, but not for the stress of creating art out of thin air like I do.

When I’m snacking, I get my best ideas and can keep working for hours on end. Then I end up making my best money. Got any advice?

— Snackaholic, Osborne Village

Dear Snackaholic: Your unhealthy snacking could be driven by anxiety as you need fuel to conjure up great ideas constantly.

Like most creative people, you need to get at least some of your greatest ideas from that place called “out of the blue.” You need to find different ways to come to those ideas other than eating.

Consider ending the solitude of your present situation and co-renting office space with other creative people in your field. All you’ll need is a computer area in an office where you could shut the door when you need to.

You’ll also find yourself getting into better physical shape once you have to leave home to work. Get a bike to cycle to work and back, and you’ll wear off the extra weight and keep your blood sugar down. With a more social workspace, you’ll also say goodbye to daytime loneliness, which can cause overeating. Enjoy a spiked imagination, and some new friends. Everyone will be delighted with the healthier new you.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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