Ease proposal pressure with some honesty

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This article was published 18/01/2025 (648 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My girlfriend keeps reminding me Valentine’s Day is coming up. Why? Because she wants an engagement ring from me. I’m not ready.

I think she’s 50 per cent the right one, but that’s not enough. I’m still looking at other women and wondering how life might be different dating them and having fun — and not being pushed towards a wedding.

My girlfriend has never mentioned a wedding openly, but she’s certainly setting the stage. I found out she just bought a new dress this week for a dinner she booked at a fancy restaurant for us on Feb. 14. It’s a place where at least one of her girlfriends was proposed to. I’m not a stupid man, but I’m not ready to buy her a ring either.

Why does she want to marry so young? She’s not even 25 and we both have decent jobs — just not the ones we want forever. Plus, she hasn’t finished her final degree yet, which would enable her to lock down a great full-time position in her profession.

What’s wrong with waiting until we’re both pushing 30, are more settled and both making good money?

— Why the Panic? St. Norbert

Dear Panic: This seems to be a very a one-sided panic situation, so it’s going to take some guts on your part. You need to be honest and tell your enamoured mate you suspect you’re being herded towards an engagement and a marriage, which for you is way too early, by as much as five years.

To avoid serious embarrassment, you’ll need her to cancel her hopeful dinner date now. It will hurt and embarrass your girlfriend more if she’s already hinting to her besties the engagement is happening on that special night.

Who knows, you may want to part ways after that big talk, as it’s going to be very upsetting. Your girlfriend has a life plan in mind — mostly hers — which may include a full-time working husband and a baby or two before she’s 30. That’s about five years earlier than you might be thinking.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend has a big tattoo of his old love, and I know her from high school. I thought the tattoo was OK way back then, when everybody was doing it and they were a couple.

But she dumped him, and now he and I and the risqué tattoo of his ex are together in his bed. I thought he’d get rid of her image, but she’s still there on his arm. I hate looking at her when he and I are making love and she’s “posing” on his right bicep. It ruins my orgasms, frankly.

He just laughs at me and points to the tats I have and how they’re no turn-off to him. But there’s nothing among mine related in any way to my former love interests.

So, I prefer to have sex in the dark with him now. Shouldn’t he get her likeness removed, out of respect for me? His tat is sexual, personal and an insult to me, as his new girlfriend.

— Constant Reminder, South St. Vital

Dear Constant Reminder: This tattoo of his old girlfriend could hurt when being removed, and it could be costly. Your new boyfriend may not want to move ahead with this project promptly! If you and him don’t work out together, maybe he’s thinking he won’t need to get rid of it. Should a new girlfriend be more open-minded, or have ink of her own past lovers, it might not be an issue at all.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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