Keep your cool and enjoy your new look

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This article was published 24/01/2025 (642 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My grandmother is in her late 50s, and has a better social life than I do. She’s also beautiful — much better-looking than my mother and me, and she’s a hairdresser and sells skin-care products and cosmetics, so she always looks great.

Last week she asked Mom, if she’d give her permission to do a free “makeover” for me on my birthday. My mother hit the roof because I’m, “only 16 and doesn’t need any makeover!”

So, I rebelled big time. I stayed overnight with Gran the night after my birthday, and asked for “the treatment” anyway. I was shocked at my mother’s reaction when I finally came home. She got tears in her eyes and said, “You’re not my little girl anymore!”

That really hurt. I’ve always been her favourite in our family of girls — her little “plain Jane” with the dishwater-blond hair and white eyelashes.

Now I keep looking in the mirror, and I just can’t believe it — I actually look pretty! I intend to stay this way, but this morning Mom said, “I can’t wait until you grow that dyed-blond hair out.”

I just lost it! I said, “You’ll be waiting a long time then.” Now we’re hardly talking, and I don’t know what to do. I plan to continue lightening my hair and wearing my new eye makeup. Please help.

— Liking the New Me, western Manitoba

Dear Liking the New Me: It’s hard to keep up a fight if the other person has dropped out of the argument and is not being emotional. So, keep talking to your mother as if things are normal, and you are over the fight — even if she isn’t quite there, yet!

You can bet Mom and Gran have had several heated discussions already. So, you can keep in touch with your grandmother, and find out how their own mother-daughter relationship is going.

When talking to your mom in coming days, keep things light. Introduce different topics regarding school, so your conversations stop being all about the sneaky “makeover.”

If she keeps on asking you what other people are saying about your new look, just say, “They like it,” and change the subject. You can cool this fire, given a little time.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I knew when I married my deceased friend’s husband that there’d be suspicions of an affair happening between us before she died.

Nothing could be further from the truth. I have always had my own male friends. In fact, my friend’s husband and I had no romantic relationship until she’d been gone more than a year. He worshipped that woman until the day she died, and beyond. But finally, he had to let go and start living again.

That’s not anybody’s business but ours, is it? Do I need to address the smarmy gossip about a long-standing affair, now he and I are married? I know exactly who’s spreading it.

— Not Guilty of Anything, Charleswood

Dear Not Guilty: The people who count know the truth and are not thinking badly of you. Still, the people who don’t count, can often still do damage to a person’s reputation, if left unchecked.

You don’t “owe” anybody an explanation, but why not drop in and have a stiff talk with the primary instigator of this nasty gossip about you and your now-husband? Make it a surprise attack. Why do her the favour of calling ahead?

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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