Party blackout signals need for serious reflection

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 27/01/2025 (550 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m not really an alcoholic or that much into drugs, but my friends brought me home from a big party that I don’t remember at all.

Plus, I had a sex-related note written in black marker on my back — supposedly from a guy. I didn’t know it was there until one of my roommates (who was at the party) saw me going into the shower and read it to me. She laughed, but I started crying.

I’m really upset now. I don’t remember my shirt coming off at that party or who wrote on my back. Maybe I was asleep or passed out. I’d been drinking for sure and there were some drugs around. Please help me.

— Sick and Worried, Winnipeg

Dear Sick and Worried: No one in your friend crew has had the guts to confess what really happened. In fact, those people — your own friends — are most likely the people who were writing on your bare back for a laugh.

True friends don’t take part in practical jokes at a buddy’s expense. It’s time to look at who you’re trusting and start making some changes in the quality of people you allow into your world.

It’s also time to look inwards. Take a hard look at what you’re putting into your body and how it leaves you vulnerable and puts you in danger. It appears drugs and alcohol are not your friends — and that’s true for all of us.

If you want to start making better choices in your life, a counsellor or psychologist could set you up with the specific types of help you may need to navigate this. You don’t have to go it alone.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend went travelling around Europe without me in the fall. He said I was too young at just 21 to go with him. (He was 24 when he left.) He said he was going for a year before he came back and settled down for good. I had hoped that meant settling down with me because I loved him so much, but he broke up with me two weeks before he left on his trip.

Now I get the biggest shock. I just heard my ex-boyfriend is coming home from Europe soon — less than halfway through his planned travels — and he’ll have his pregnant fiancée with him. What? I had to call my friends for support.

Word of my freakout got around fast, including to my ex’s mom. Then I finally heard online from my ex. He was furious at me for “flapping my big mouth.” I said very little back.

I hear from mutual friends that he intends to give me a real blast when he gets here. What should I do? I’m excited to see him, but I’m anxious.

— So Nervous, northern Manitoba

Dear Nervous: Well, you certainly got that world traveller’s attention. When your ex arrives home with his pregnant partner and phones to tell you off, hold the phone away from your ear. When he stops roaring, just speak four simple phrases to shut things down: “Handle your own life. Deal with your own people. I’m getting on with my own life. Goodbye for good.”

Then it’s really time to start looking for a new sweetheart you can enjoy to the fullest and stop thinking about this ex.

You two were never meant to be for the long haul. There is a better match down the road for you, but you’ll have to let yourself get over this breakup first.

That doesn’t mean you have to instantly forgive your travelling ex, but take a month or two to dim him down in your memory and look for someone better in the spring.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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