Keep an open mind about living arrangements

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This article was published 17/01/2025 (600 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: After my parents separated, my dad would come and pick me up on Saturdays, and my mother was very pleasant and even hugged and kissed him. I wondered why they ever broke up, if they didn’t fight and hate each other.

Weirdly, Dad went right back to living in a great big house with a bunch of people he’d been sharing a place with before he even met my mom.

My dad would always take me over to his mom and dad’s house for Saturday night dinners, and we’d stay overnight. We always had fun together playing cards and board games.

But I’m in my mid-teens and I was wising up. I cornered my mother and asked her why he didn’t take me to his own place. She said it was too soon to tell me.

That wasn’t good enough and I’m no dummy, so I started doing a little digging on social media and asking other family about my dad. I found out some surprising stuff and confronted my mom about it.

She finally opened up. It turns out my dad is bisexual and his housemates in the shared house are gay, lesbian, straight and polyamorous. Wow. It took a while to digest all that.

I guess staying married to one straight woman must have been hard to keep on doing for my dad. But I’m not that way! I want what my grandparents have — a marriage of a man and woman who love each other forever.

Now what’s going to happen with this secret? My friends aren’t ready to hear about my real family life, and if they did, they’d blab about it and tease me.

— Surprised Son, Winnipeg

Dear Surprised: Keep on being the mature young man you are, with two loving parents and great grandparents. They all love you to pieces and it doesn’t seem there’s a need for you to change anything. You’re a guy who’s learning to be open-minded about other human beings.

It’s likely you’ll still live with your mother through high school, and start dating when you’re ready. You’ll learn who is close enough to share private things with.

Also, when the time feels right, you’ll visit your dad’s group house and meet his friends. It won’t be shocking to you, and that will make it easy for everyone to be relaxed and friendly.

When the time comes, you may choose an opposite-sex mate and have a family, or maybe not. All kinds of doors can open up. You can live like your beloved grandpa and grandma, or any other way you see fit.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I would really like to keep being intimate with my wife, but our new dog doesn’t want me to. He seems to think I’m attacking her, and if our bedroom door is open a crack, he comes in and jumps on me.

If we close the bedroom door, he sounds the alarm by howling and wakes up everybody in the house.

Our teenagers are not amused and yell, “Keep it Down, you two!” It’s embarrassing.

— Need Help, Tuxedo

Dear Need Help: With a young dog still growing and learning how to live with his humans, it’s probably a good time to consult dog trainer to work on setting some boundaries with you and pooch. You may have to consider using a home kennel where your puppy can (hopefully) chill out while you and your wife get intimate.

If you have a spare room in the house that can be your romantic spot, that could also help. It could be a space where your dog is never allowed into, and you can leave him a special long-lasting treat to enjoy in your regular bedroom as you two sneak off to the playroom.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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