Thong contest could crack mother-daughter bond

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This article was published 17/09/2024 (711 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: This summer my daughter stopped wearing decent underwear. She started buying herself nothing but G-strings.

She’s 16 and I couldn’t wrestle her into decent underwear if I tried. She blames me for her curvy build and says she deserves to be able to wear whatever she wants for panties since she has to put on industrial-strength bras to support the giant breasts she got from me.

It’s always my fault. Her father can’t talk to her about this and she just won’t listen to her stupid old mom.

Under jeans it doesn’t matter if she doesn’t have proper panties on, but beneath skirts and dresses it does. She says all her girlfriends wear the same flimsy type of underwear.

This morning really took the cake. She dumped all the decent panties I bought her last week for school out of her drawer onto my bed, saying, “You bought me granny panties?”

Now what? What if she goes on a date and her new boyfriend realizes she’s not wearing anything but a string thing? It’s just dangerous.

— Angry Mother, River Heights

Dear Angry Mother: Since your daughter doesn’t have a boyfriend and most of her girlfriends are probably wearing the same stringy underwear, drop this pointless battle for the time being. Your daughter has enough to deal with, carrying substantial breasts and sporting big, strong bras to support them.

It’s time you became her sympathizer and moral supporter, not her in-house critic. Then she’ll be more inclined to listen to you. Girls really hate it when their parents assume the worst about them. They think, “I might as well go out and be as wild as they think I am.” Believe me, you don’t want to bring on that storm.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: When the leaves begin to fall, I go into mourning for my husband who died in September many years ago. I remember all the wonderful things he did, and in his honour, for a couple of months I put out all the mementos and gifts he gave me.

My kids say it’s weird. My rudest daughter told me yesterday she thinks I do it to get attention and sympathy on a yearly basis. She also told me I need to see a psychiatrist and said I was becoming a “loser.”

I started to cry because I guess in a way she’s right.

I’m in my early 50s, lonely, and the kids don’t come around as much anymore. Nor do my old friends. There are no male friends in my life, as no one can come close to my husband. He was just a prince of a man. Please help me.

— Can’t Win, North KiIdonan

Dear Can’t Win: Your daughter wanted to shock you out of this endless mourning that’s repelling everyone, including your kids. She was telling you something hurtful, but something you needed to hear.

A person who is a “loser” by definition is a person who can’t win. Believe me, you don’t want to have that reputation any longer. You need to win your kids back, for starters.

You’ve been identifying yourself to the people around you as a poor, lonely widow, period. At this point even your husband would be disappointed to see you mourning him like that.

You need healthy ways to get attention, companionship and love from people. You should enlist some professional help to kick-start a big change.

Ask your physician for a referral to a psychiatrist who can work with you and help you let go of this annual revival of your husband’s death. It truly is a pity party and it’s pushing away people you love. A psychiatrist can also prescribe medication, if necessary, to help boost your mood and energy, and assist you to get living life again.

Do you work? Another option to help spark a healthier mood might be a part-time job to occupy your mind. Or, if you don’t need the money, volunteering can also be fun and fulfilling. It feels good to do good and you would learn to socialize with new people who also like to give.

Once you start living a fuller life, your kids will enjoy talking to you more. So start shifting this unhappy situation right away. Put away all but one of your deceased husband’s photos so your living room no longer feels like a funeral reception area.

Most importantly, look into new activities outside the home that’s been depressing to your family. You might even consider changing your residence and moving into a bright, airy place — perhaps a 55-plus building — where you’ll make new friends, as long as you don’t play the “poor lonely widow” card.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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