Underscore seriousness of hubby’s philandering

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This article was published 15/07/2024 (762 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My foolish husband was supposed to be working on the addition to our house — which he sweetly volunteered to do — while I kept our kids at the lake for a week. When I phoned his cellphone, I heard a kid come into the room, yelling for someone with a first name from a different culture.

I knew immediately what was going on. I knew the kid, and I knew the mother. It turns out my husband has been “working” over at our new neighbour’s house instead of ours.

She’s a beautiful dark-haired woman, with two young boys. She has a sexy accent and is still able to be quite funny in English.

My husband loves funny women. That’s why he married me. But I’m not laughing now — far from it.

I said, “You’re caught! Get in your truck and drive to the lake right now, or kiss me and the kids goodbye tomorrow.” He didn’t argue, and just hung up. He arrived at the cabin doorstep two hours later, apologizing profusely with tears in his eyes.

I pushed him outside to talk so the kids wouldn’t hear. I ended up folding and calling a partial truce, because I didn’t want to ruin the vacation for our children. But this was not his first offence.

I really don’t know what to do now. I used to love our little family, but my kids’ father is ruining it, cheat by cheat. He says he truly only “really loves” me, and no other woman could ever be a “serious love” in his life. Please help me decide what to do.

— Broken-Hearted, on Lake Winnipeg

Dear Broken-Hearted: Your husband claims he wants to save your marriage? Fine. Show him this was not another little mistake. Tell him you’re making an appointment from the lake for relationship counselling that will commence on your return.

How do you make this fight different from the rest? Depending on your personality, you may want to call the woman he’s been flirting with, and make things very uncomfortable for her to continue seeing your husband.

It’d also be smart to consult a divorce lawyer, in case you need one down the road, and let your husband know that you have done so. Show him this time things have gone too far.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I don’t want to dance with a bunch of other women! My new wife is crazy about dancing and now she wants me to join a class for couples. The thing is, I’m just too shy. In fact, I used to stutter before I met my wife, and I still stutter if pushed to the wall.

She doesn’t know what it’s like to have social anxiety like I have experienced — and I don’t want it coming back on me full-force! Dancing with other couples could be a real disaster for me.

My wife claims the dance group will be good for me socially. I am not her child! I told her she’s pushing it with me now. If a humiliating situation arises, I’d know I’d run out of that dance studio and just leave her there. I can feel my heart racing just thinking about it. Help me please.

— Not Dancing With Strange Women, Westwood

Dear Not Dancing: The good news? Humiliation on the dance floor is not inevitable. To win at this challenge, you and your wife should line up private dance lessons before joining with the group, so you can feel more confident.

Many people who come for dance lessons start off feeling shy and awkward, but end up relaxing and enjoying them. But be aware that your dance teacher needs to know about your social anxiety ahead of time. You won’t be the first person with this issue in their class. With help, you’ll end up dancing new steps smoothly with her, and then your wife and then others, when you join with the group of couples.

Also, it could be fun for you to be the one to compile music for all the different dance styles, to practise between classes with your wife at home. You could even make some special dinners, light candles and make practice sessions into some sweet date nights. This could actually be fun if you take it slow.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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