Strategize to limit kids’ tantrums over cabin stay

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This article was published 10/07/2024 (811 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: We’re taking our kids to the lake, one way or another. We’ve been offered a freebie cabin owned by a friend with interior dividing walls that do not reach the ceilings. That guy and his wife bought a new place recently because they can’t sleep well at this cabin.

We’re young and broke, so we’ll put up with anything for a holiday at a lake. My wife and I will get the double bed and the kids get the little bunk-bed room.

My wife — a wannabe comedian — has decided on doing unofficial product trials for cheap non-snoring gizmos that she bought online. I’m her guinea pig because I snore every night. She says she has to remain quasi-alert for the kids.

Now here’s the most serious question, If this holiday goes south from my snoring and everybody’s lack of sleep, at what point do we give up and go home with the kids? I don’t want to be the bad guy who ends their holiday, and has them crying.

— Nervous Dad, Fort Richmond

Dear Nervous: If your kids are too young to be counting off the days, don’t be clear about the length of the trip when you arrive. Tell them you’ll be going home “in a few days.” Then give it a run and see how things are going for everybody, including you, the lucky parents.

If the fun is wearing out, don’t pack up and leave at the beginning of a beach day, when staying at the lake could mean more fun.

Enjoy a full day of activities and then start talking up fun and friends at dinner and leave later, when they’re getting tired.

Another easy departing time to leave the lake is when it’s seriously raining. On the way home, don’t reminisce about the lake, but instead remind them of all the fun friends and summer activities waiting for them at home.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife is a fantastic lover — I couldn’t ask for more.

In fact, I’d like to ask for less. I do not want to make love every night after going to bed. It’s become an extra chore at the end of the night after eight hours of deadline-oriented work.

During the weekdays, I am just cranky. I want to come home and relax, eat a big dinner and go to sleep.

My wife, on the other hand, feels rejuvenated by her new home-sales business and is her own boss. She can rest a bit before I come home feeling dog-tired. By 9 p.m. I want to book it and go to sleep and snore all night.

The truth is I’m sick of making “love” with her every night. Sometimes I just want to have lusty 10-minute animal sex and forget the hearts and roses. But in the evening my woman is generally into lighting candles and burning incense.

All I can manage is to burn off my serious work frustration, but she’s too romantic to want that. So, I often choose to do nothing and she is unhappy.

— Frustrated as Heck, St. James

Dear Frustrated: You know your job is the underlying cause of your unhappiness. It’s time to focus on changing that part of your life. It’s making you angry on a daily basis and it’s going to kill your marriage.

In the meantime, try this when you’re frustrated due to work: go for a warm shower and perhaps ease your frustration with self-stimulation.

After that, take a short nap, and then visit with your wife and help with dinner. After you’ve eaten, suggest a summer drive and ice cream.

The first time you try this routine you may feel silly, but your wife will start seeing you again as the guy she married — not this rough, cranky man — and your marriage may have a chance.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m writing about “All Alone After 3 a.m.,” the woman who experiences anxiety when her hubby wants to fall asleep with his arms around her. She may have claustrophobia, which is a fear of enclosed spaces, and that is a psychological problem. She may not realize it herself.

Perhaps if her husband understood this possibility he would be less likely to take it personally when she needs to be free of his embrace in order to sleep.

— Retired Psych Nurse, Manitoba

Dear Nurse: The claustrophobia possibility is certainly a good avenue to check out with a psychologist or psychiatrist. But, it should also be noted, a high percentage of people have the urge to roll over and sprawl at different times in a night. They need more room, and these folks need a chance to cool their bodies to stay sleeping. Unfortunately, some warm and cuddly partners take that need personally and feel abandoned.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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