Get on board with new mate’s lake plan, or bail fast

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 11/07/2024 (811 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: As a surprise, my new sweetie has invited me to his cottage at a beautiful lake, for two weeks starting late July. We’ve only been dating a month or so now, but he acts like we’ve always been together. I was all excited to meet his sister last night, who also has a cabin with her husband at the same lake.

She said, “My brother loves it there, more than any place in the world! I’m glad he met an outdoorsy woman who wants to come out here with him.” I cringed. I am not an outdoors person. I’m a city dweller, and I like my indoor toilet and three-ply toilet paper.

I also don’t relish meeting new people. I know I won’t be able to avoid that at this lake where he knows everybody. Should I beg off and stay home, and see my guy when he comes back to the city? I’m a little afraid to do that, because I might be falling in love with him.

— City Woman at Heart, Silver Heights

Dear City Woman: A person who wants to deprive their new sweetheart of another deep love interest such as “their” lake, is set up to lose. Other women will love both him and his lake, and he knows that.

If you really care about this guy, either give it your best shot and see if you fall in love with lake life, or let him go now, in time to round up another lady or some buddies, to share precious cabin time, and the fishing, swimming, and hiking. Canadian summers are too short to waste them and he needs you to be upfront.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: First, I’ll admit I do like a good fight to clear the air. My boyfriend, age 31, is very easy to get along with, so it took months before we got into a good row — but it finally happened.

We decided to take a road trip together “out West.”

The first few days he drove, we talked and sang in the car, and played I Spy and other driving games we could remember. But when I don’t do the driving, after a while I get bored and cranky. So, on the second day of him hogging the wheel, I told him, “It’s my turn!”

He said “Sure!” thinking I wouldn’t last more than few hours. He was dead wrong! I drove 41/2 hours until we were getting into some small mountains.

Then he was really mad I wouldn’t relinquish the wheel to let him handle them, as he was the big man in the car. Finally, I stopped and said, “Fine. you are throwing a tantrum, so you drive the car! I’ll read my book.”

We drove in silence for three hours, got a motel and slept deeply. But when we woke up, he said, “I’ve had enough. Let’s just turn around and go home!”

I said, “What a big sulking baby you turned out to be! Fine — have it your way. Let’s go home.”

I thought he was going to be the guy for me, but something seems to have broken. I’m sorry (kind of) and I do care. I may have lost the best guy I ever had. Can you help?

— Stupid Breakup Over Driving, Wolseley

Dear Stupid: You didn’t just break up over driving. You broke up over the big power struggle that divides you.

Both of you feel an undercurrent of the ever-present struggle between two alpha types. When it surfaced on the trip, you allowed the fight to go on way too long.

You both need to be the leader. That fight reflected how unsuitable you two are together.

Let this guy go, so both of you can look for a partner who doesn’t need or want to take the lead. Let them relax and enjoy the ride in the car — and other life situations.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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