Impossible to backpedal to buddy situation now

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This article was published 06/07/2024 (814 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I flew home a week early from an important business trip that was supposed to last 10 days, but collapsed after three. I always phone ahead the day before I fly home and my wife meets me at the airport. Then we go out for dinner at a favourite spot.

This time I just showed up at home as a surprise — that was a big mistake. No one home and the house was closed up like she was away. I called her phone again and again. She finally answered. I asked her how it was going and she said things were fine and she was at home cooking. She asked when I was coming back.

I told her I was home and I didn’t see her there. She went silent before saying she was at the lake with a friend.

I asked what lake and what friend and she wouldn’t tell me. I told her to come home right away, and she said, “I’m not coming.”

Long story short, I finally caught her cheating. I had been warned of this by a friend recently but had not wanted to believe it. I am the fool, I guess.

Now she’s back in our house — and I’m not. I never wanted it to end this way. We started off as best friends — not lovers — and I never really wanted to get married to her, but she wanted it so badly. Could we be just friends again, and co-habit in our house? I’ve never been 100 per cent attracted to her. I need advice fast.

— Bunking in My Office, St. James

Dear Bunking: You can’t backpedal to being “best buddies” after what you’ve been through. You two made vows as husband and wife, which have been broken — on both sides.

To your wife, it feels like you’ve found a preferred lover — travelling for work, so she found herself another lover in the new guy she was secretly staying with at the lake.

You two can break up or get counselling and try to patch the relationship up, but the marriage seems pretty cool on both sides now. Perhaps it’s time to part, and for both of you to look for people who are better suited in personality and lifestyle.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Our old neighbours are harassing us. My husband and I can’t afford to take a bunch of time off work and go camping or rent a cabin, so we decided to camp in our backyard a few nights every week with our kids. We tried it out last weekend, and I taught the boys silly camp songs to sing around the barbecue. The kids also loved playing in the blowup pool.

It was also great that we weren’t out in the bush swatting mosquitoes, and we still had our own house nearby with the modern bathroom.

The people who didn’t love our experiment were our neighbours who, get this, have a lot more money and a fancy pool. They never invite us over.

At 8 p.m. they complained loudly to me about still hearing the kids making noise outside when they wanted to go to sleep. Nonsense. I was so angry I told them to call the cops if it was bothering them so much.

They know the police have better things to do, so this week they’ve started complaining to the other neighbours about our “campground in the city.”

What do you suggest? Would it be too old-fashioned to send my husband over there to straighten them out?

— Unhappy Camper, North River Heights

Dear Unhappy Camper: You might warn the neighbours with: “This feels like petty harassment and I won’t be dealing with it anymore. You’ll have to speak to my partner, and I do wish you well. When do you want him to come over?”

That answer will likely be, “Harumph. Not necessary. Just be quieter after this.”

That would actually be a win for you, so go with it.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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