Remote cottage work plan just not panning out

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 18/07/2024 (803 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I have been miserable at this beautiful lake, where I recently bought a cabin.

I bragged to everybody about how much I loved my new cabin and that I could work away from the city all summer. But I was so wrong. I just can’t do this. I’ve been here for two weeks and I’m bored stiff and lonely.

I know I should love getting away from the city, but that wore out the first week. I miss my friends and neighbours in the city. I’ll look pathetic if I run back to city living so quickly, and it seems such a waste of money. I just don’t know what to do now.

I’m scared to rent this cabin out to strangers because they might steal or break my things, but I’m going crazy out here. How did this happen when I used to love it here for years on long weekends? I made a big deal to everybody about finally buying my own cabin. Help, please.

— Missing the City, Whiteshell

Dear Missing the City: Doing the cottage summer without regular cabin mates turned out to be deadly boring — and that’s understandable. You, your phone and your computer have been alone day and night and you’re not used to it.

Did you know that’s why a lot of city folks are weekenders by choice — with possibly two to four weeks of summer rental? Even then, they’re inviting their friends and relatives to come for a couple of days each.

One thing is clear: you need to go back to the city for a spell — and right away to get enough urban stimulation to restore your spirits and self-respect. You’re a city woman and that’s OK.

So pack up, drive home and start going back into your workplace again to get your head on straight so you can feel happy and confident again.

Then, as an experiment, head back to the lake for two to three days and take friends with you. If you realize you truly don’t want beach life even when going out there with friends on weekends, then sell that cabin to someone else.

Don’t make it a pride thing thinking people might say you made a big mistake. Just tell them, “It was an experiment — I thought I’d like it, but it’s not for me.”

Life is about trying new things to see how they work out, not forcing yourself to try to look like you never make an error. People actually respect a person who can admit they made a big mistake.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I knew it would happen one day — I ran into my old love down at the same beach where we used to go as teenagers. He was walking at the water’s edge and I was coming slowly toward him so there was no chance to run away.

I tried to make excuses and get away quickly, but he asked to stay and talk to him for a few minutes. I stayed. We watched the water as we caught up a little bit on stuff about our families. Then, too suddenly, it was over.

Sadly, I’m finding that meet-up isn’t over for me emotionally. I didn’t say what I should have said — that I’m sorry for cheating on him way back when and breaking his heart.

Instead, I chickened out and we talked about stupid stuff — where he worked now, his kids, yadda, yadda.

It felt awkward to be there beside him, and even more awkward when we parted ways and he went walking back down the beach.

He has a really nice wife, or so he says, and I do love my husband. So, why do I feel like such a guilty jerk all over again? What can I do about this?

— Feeling Sorry and Embarrassed, central Manitoba

Dear Feeling Sorry: An apology about you cheating on him still needs to be made for you to set things right. You know where this person works, so write your apology to him carefully and send it to his work knowing his wife may see still it. And that is fine.

Tell him how guilty you felt on the beach and how you knew 100 per cent that you still needed to apologize for how you cheated and treated him badly in the past.

Finish by telling him you wish him well with his wife, family and kids. Then you may finally be able to let the past go — as it seems he has been able to do.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography