Don’t let vain, needy ex sully real attraction

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This article was published 10/04/2024 (859 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I got so sick of my recent ex looking over his shoulder in the mirror to check out his buns and back muscles. He looked just fine, although the sight of him doing that and pushing me for daily compliments got on my nerves.

We broke up recently over that and other more important issues, like his repeated cheating. It was finished for me, at least.

I soon started dating a bright, funny man who has a dad bod, but lots of real confidence. He thinks he looks perfectly fine and consequently, so do I. I also feel more relaxed about my 20-pound-overweight body because physical perfection is not an issue with him. I look like a woman with great curves, he says. That’s just fine by him.

Unfortunately, I ran into my ex yesterday. He said he has seen my new boyfriend and he had the nerve to comment on his looks and question my lack of standards. I was so mad, I said, “Well, he has muscles where it counts.” Then I tapped my head and heart and shot out my pelvis.

He laughed in my face and called me an idiot. Does that mean I didn’t get my point across or was he just acting like a 12-year-old?

— So Annoyed, Tuxedo

Dear Annoyed: Your ex got the point, alright. With hand gestures, you told him he was stupid and didn’t know how to love or please you sexually. Did you expect a polite response?

More importantly, did you report the petty details of this altercation to your new man? Let’s hope not because it doesn’t look that good on you, either, really. It’s time for you to end this petty war.

You already have a new mate who seems to have substance and you don’t want to lose him. Since he’s a bright fellow, he’s not going to automatically agree with everything you say and do. So politely shut down snarky interactions with your ex if you meet again. Let Mr. Muscles/repeated cheater be a closed chapter now, and good luck with your new man.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife has decided to quit her job and go back to university to become a dentist. She already has a science degree from years ago. I’m not happy.

Yes, we have savings and can afford it, but it means I won’t get an early retirement, which is something I dream of a lot. My job is physical, and I’m not getting any younger.

My wife preaches at me that nobody has a guarantee of good health and a long life, so we have to do what we really want to do with our lives.

She argues that with kids in college and almost gone from the house now, she’ll be making enough money to support both of us, once she graduates. Big whoop.

I asked her what would happen if I want to retire in less than 10 years. She told me she would support me but that I first had to support her dreams now. Always with the smart answers. What do you think?

— Future Dentist’s Hubby? East Kildonan

Dear Hubby: If you play your cards right, one fine day you could be a dentist’s husband teeing off with buddies on the golf course at 8 a.m., instead of clocking in at work.

Seriously, it’s a big mistake to stand in the way of another person’s dreams. That’s particularly true if they’ve carried their own weight, and more, within a family. In your case, your wife bore the children and probably did a lot of work that may not have excited her while she deferred her professional dreams until later.

This situation is not going to go well if you try to block her now. You could end up on your own — and she’ll still go back to university without your support. As a responsible adult, she’ll be able to get loans and then pay them back easily when she graduates dentistry — a lucrative field.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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