You both have plenty to bear — without scale spat

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This article was published 18/12/2023 (1009 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wife is seven-and-a-half-months pregnant and getting mighty testy. I’ve done a lot of eating and gaining weight, right along with her in past months. That was fun. Frankly, I enjoy being a big guy, and I didn’t think she noticed my weight gain, considering what was going on with her!

A few nights ago, I made a big barbecue meal on the deck, after the latest snow. My wife was on a roll digging into it, and so was I, but then she started getting on my case. She said, “Watch it, Butterball! People are going to wonder who is about to deliver — me or you. How much weight have you gained, since I got pregnant?” I said nothing. Then she said, “I’m going to have a baby in six weeks, and you’re not!”

I still said nothing. Then she dared me: “Get on the scale!” I grabbed my keys, slammed out the door and took off. We’re only speaking politely now. I’m aware we need to get our relationship back to normal ASAP, as I’m supposed to be the birth coach. Please help us!

— Frozen-Out Husband, East Kildonan

Dear Frozen: Somebody has to apologize here, and it doesn’t have to come from the one who started the fight. A short note from you, with words offering peace after the recent fight, plus your love and support, could help heal things.

The weight-gain issue doesn’t bear over-analyzing by either of you at this point. Much of your wife’s baby weight will soon come off. But she’s almost ready to deliver, and may be panicking now. Some babies do come early!

If you must say something about this dust-up, apologize with a wry smile for “that ridiculous fight” with no specifics, no rebuttals. Be understanding, as you would be with somebody who just had a major panic attack. Talk soothingly about the new baby and how you’ll help, and reassure her doctors and nurses will be there, and everybody will be safe.

Tell your wife you love her and let her know how excited you are about the start of your beautiful family together, and not to think about the fight anymore, because it’s totally over in your mind.

Once the baby arrives, see how things go in terms of your weight and health, and address any issues further down the road.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve been going to bingo with my friend for almost four years now, and every time we go, we split the winnings. I don’t want to do this anymore, because the pots aren’t big enough. Also, lately I’ve been winning way more than she has, because I buy more cards than she does!

The problem? She’s the one who gives me the ride to get there, and I really don’t want this to come between us. But plain and simple, I just don’t want to share pots anymore.

— Just Not Adding Up, southern Manitoba

Dear Not Adding Up: At the moment, your bingo buddy may see it this way: Sharing in your more frequent winnings pays her for providing you free transport every week, in her warm car. Try suggesting she lets you pay for gas — $5-$10 a night — and she agrees to start buying more cards to even up the chances of her winning, and splitting more pots with you.

If she doesn’t like this offer, you’re either going to have to accept the status quo or bow out, which will end the fun outings altogether. Not a great idea, with the coldest of winter coming on!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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