Set some ground rules for raunchy phone calls

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This article was published 13/12/2023 (967 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m an adventurous guy, but phone sex is totally inappropriate when I’m at work. My new girlfriend, who works from her home, has started calling me at my office when she’s bored and in the mood for fun. She tries her best to tease me and turn me on in my workspace — a tiny office with a door.

The last time it happened, my immediate boss had just waltzed into my office and I had to slam down the phone in a hurry. “Was I interrupting something?” she asked me. “You look kind of stressed.”

I said, “No, not at all!” She raised her eyebrows and said, “You were kind of abrupt. Was it a sales call?” I said, “No, it was a nuisance caller!” She accepted that, and got on with business. Whew!

What should I do here? I had no sex life for a whole year before this girlfriend came along, and I don’t want to lose her.

— In a Tough Spot, downtown Winnipeg

Dear Tough Spot: While sexy phone calls from a partner can be very welcome and part of a healthy love life, you really have to set some boundaries. Talk to your girlfriend and make clear to her that calling your office phone line with amorous intentions is totally out of line as it could impact your job.

Let her know she can try calling you on your cellphone, but that you won’t answer if you’re working — and definitely not available to play. Even though it may cramp the spontaneity a bit, maybe she could send you a text first to see if you’re free and up for a little lusty chat.

If she gets huffy — and she probably will — too bad! Stress the fact you could lose your job over not concentrating at work — and if you do, she’ll probably be losing you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I was on a business trip out of Vancouver and got seated on an airplane beside the former “love of my life” from my university days — what a shock. She talked about everything else in her life — nothing about her breaking up with me, way back when.

Today I got an email from her, saying she just realized what a good thing she gave up when she left Winnipeg to go off to study in B.C., and that she’s never met anyone like me, before or after. What crap!

Last night she called me and said she was flying back into Winnipeg to see her folks for Christmas and she’d be “by herself.” She didn’t say whether or not she is dating anyone, but she knows for a fact I am. She’s never really been able to see past her own point of view, so I’m not surprised.

I feel like I have to respond in some way, but I don’t know what to say. I really care about my present girlfriend and I won’t cheat on her. In fact, she might be “the one.”

How should I respond to my ex? Should I stick it to her by not replying at all?

— So Angry, West Kildonan

Dear Angry: It’ll only bother you if you don’t make a real move. So, write your ex-girlfriend back something like this: “I’m very serious about my new partner and will be spending all my free time during the holidays with her. I hope you enjoy this special time with your parents while you’re here in Winnipeg.”

She will be extremely annoyed at being “handled” like this, but she will get the point pretty quickly.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My new lady and I didn’t spend much bedroom time “sleeping” until we moved into the same house together. She’s pushing for separate bedrooms now, as the house is big enough — three bedrooms. She said her parents always had separate bedrooms. Who cares?

Yesterday she got to the point: “I want my own bedroom to decorate, and relax in, and a place to keep all my clothes and special things.” I said, “Will you be sleeping with me at night?” and she said, “When I want to! That’s the whole point.” I feel deeply upset. What do you suggest?

— Feeling Rejected Already, St. Boniface

Dear Feeling Rejected: Pitch it to your partner that the big home would lend itself to two people having their own studios they can decorate individually and a romantic bedroom they share at night. If she can’t agree with that and it hurts you not to share the bedroom nightly, you’ll need a different woman who doesn’t need so much “space,” in all senses of the word.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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