Keeping exes close is down to more than generosity

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 04/06/2023 (1223 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My girlfriend is a sweet and generous woman of 37, but the trouble is she has close ex-boyfriends she’s still friends with, and she even lends them money for stuff like car repairs. That drives me nuts. She says they always pay her back. Like that’s the point! Last night when I expressed my frustration about this, she called it petty jealousy.

Then she smiled and said her days of listening to men like me tell her what to do are long over. Ha! She’s Catholic and doesn’t even go to confession anymore, so I guess she thinks the priests are below her.

So, why do I keep hanging around this girl? Well, she’s far and away the most generous lover I’ve ever met — sometimes three times a night. You don’t meet women like her more than once in a lifetime.

How can I cope with the fact she gives too much of her self to past boyfriends and it makes me feel jealous.

— Front or Back of the Line? East Kildonan

Dear Front: She’s got a little trickery happening. You can get close, but not too close. If you complain, there are always willing replacement guys around, and she lets you know that.

The best you can take away from this relationship is the knowledge that you want a sexually generous woman, but not one whose ex-boyfriends get to stick around.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I came home and found our bedroom a wreck. My wife had packed up her drawers which were hanging open, and she’d gone. The place was a disaster. I noticed there were a lot of tissues in the waste basket, so I’m guessing she was crying up a storm while she packed. Boo freakin’ hoo!

I hadn’t done anything wrong, but I knew she felt unhappy being married to me. She’s from a religious family in the country and she was a virgin when we got married. She hated sex, even with a mild-mannered man like me. Nothing I can do about that fact of life. I don’t want to be where I’m not wanted, and she made it plain she doesn’t want “that thing” ever coming her way again.

I phoned her parents looking for her, and she’s back at their farm as I figured. They were not happy to hear from me. Her dad got on the phone and ripped me apart. He told me to stay away from his daughter and that she wants nothing to do with me, and there’s going to big trouble if I ever come around there. (He has guns on the farm, as he as told me before.)

Now what do I do? His precious daughter was a big disappointment to me, too, and said terrible things to me. I don’t want her any more than she wants me, not ever. I want a divorce, too. I don’t have much money, but I need good legal advice fast.

— Need Divorce Help, West End

Dear Need Help: Family law services, including divorce, are offered through Legal Aid Manitoba offices in Winnipeg and other centres to assist people with low incomes. You will need to fill out forms to apply and to determine your legal-aid eligibility. For more information, phone 204-985-8500 or visit their website at legalaid.mb.ca.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My Grade 12 boyfriend has been accepted by a university in Ontario. I applied to a few places outside Manitoba, but when I asked him about joining him at his school, he was rather abrupt and rude.

I had thought we were in love. What happened to that? Was it just nonsense that sounded good to him for five months? Should I stay here for in Manitoba for my first year?

— So Mixed Up! St. Vital

Dear Mixed Up: Let this high school boyfriend go off to the University of Fantasyland he imagines in another province. Meanwhile, keep your good friends here and settle into a comfortable post-secondary experience, where you study hard and get a good footing in your first year. Then, if you want to transfer elsewhere, you’ll be confident and have good grades, which will open up opportunities for you.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography