Marriage not the best place for your restless libido

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This article was published 02/06/2023 (1192 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Our king-sized bed is a wasteland. I look across those expensive silk sheets and see my wife’s back and her beautiful long black hair. She sleeps naked — but no big deal, as she wants nothing to do with me anymore!

Why? Well apparently, I committed an unforgivable sin. I brought home another woman when my wife was out of town seeing her sick mother. When the old bat suddenly took a turn for the better, my wife unexpectedly flew home early to surprise me!

Unfortunately there was another woman in our big bed. Then, all hell broke out. My wife says she wants me out, and she’s going to take me for every cent I’ve got. And the other woman isn’t even taking my calls.

How can I get out of this problem? Deep down, I want my wife back. I love her, and she knows that! I just need a little harmless variety once in a while. Is there a way for me to get her back?

— Verge of Giving Up, St. Boniface

Dear Verge: Marriage is wrong for a man like you, unless you can find an open relationship that actually works. You are not about forever love and loyalty — nor a deep feeling of respect for your partner.

You might be able to handle shorter relationships with different women — hopefully learning one day to bid one lady adieu before going after another. Still, one suspects that deep-down you get a big ego charge out of juggling multiple lovers.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Is it ever right to steal something from someone and then replace it before they know it’s gone?

— Guilty Feelings, Fort Garry

Dear Guilty: It depends on how strong your conscience is. When I was five years old, I stole a bottle of pretty red nail polish from our old neighbour’s knitting basket. But then it ate me up! I couldn’t think about anything else for two days — until I sneaked back into Mrs. White’s house, and stuck it back down in her knitting basket again. Confession might have been good for the soul, but I wasn’t that brave.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Oh, how my husband loves to go to the cabin! On really hot days, he’s in his Speedo and bare chest on the drive up to the lake! He has his old mirrored sunglasses on and his precious motorcycle tightly tied down in the back of the truck.

I watch in wonder as he transforms from a busy accountant into the crazy guy I fell in love with back in high school. He is in hog heaven at that cabin, tearing around all weekend with friends up there.

The only problem is the drive back home, when he starts to collapse. Then he’s obsessing about all the work he has to do in the coming week. He’s basically unhappy work-wise, but he needs the money and he’s good at what he does. I say he needs fate to cut him a break!

Is there anything I can do before he blows a brain gasket?

— Watching Him Suffer, St. Vital

Dear Watching Him Suffer: Could you cut some of his strain by hiring a couple of young guys to show up Friday afternoons, and pack the truck before your husband gets home? Then, all he has to do is shed his work clothes, shower and jump in the truck with you.

Here’s another tension-reliever: Split up his serious work week by taking Wednesday evening motorcycle rides together on the city’s edge. That’ll help him blow off some of the midweek angst. Then he can start at a calmer pace Thursday morning, working more easily into the big weekends. Good luck!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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