Enlist buddy system to reject sex with ex

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I broke up with my ex three weeks ago and I still need to go get my stuff from his place. But I know he is going to try to hit on me!

While I know I shouldn’t sleep with him, I don’t know what I’m going to do when I’m actually in the moment.

I’ve been avoiding going over there because I don’t want to deal with it — sex or not. It was an awkward breakup, but I was the one who initiated it. I still find him extremely attractive, but he is just so immature! How do you navigate this kind of thing?

— Afraid to Cave, Osborne Village

Dear Afraid to Cave: One of your problems is thinking of this guy as an experienced and exciting sex partner you still want — for sex only. You need to arrive with a good friend or two as helpers with a truck to pick up all your stuff at once, so there won’t be any temptation.

With a couple buddies/chaperones there helping you, it’ll be quick and goodbye sex will not be possible.

By the way, a good relationship counsellor could help you get to the point where you don’t want to get your hands on this ex whenever you set eyes on him.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m with a man who’s deeply insecure. He is such a great guy, but his parents did a real number on his confidence, and as a result he worries about me when I go to parties without him, or to the bar with my friends.

He’s five years older than I am, which isn’t much, but he clearly thinks I am operating on some other level from him — like I’m crazy enough to sleep with people I’ve just met!

This Halloween I went to a party with my friends from back in high school and he refused to go. Then, when I went, he refused to talk to me for the rest of the night once I got home. Then we had a huge fight. I’m so tired of this. He needs therapy! Can a guy ever get over this kind of thing?

— Always Doubted, North Kildonan

Dear Always Doubted: It’s too short a life to live with someone who underestimates your ability to be true. It’s too big a job to build up somebody’s confidence when his parents had so many years to break it down and leave him unsure. So yes, he needs therapy, but you are not a therapist.

You need to meet a new guy whose confidence is healthy and who trusts you. This guy’s doubts are an insult. Time to walk away after wishing him well!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This is going to sound dumb, but my wife keeps editing her digital photos using filters that make her look like a teenager and then posts them on Facebook.

We are in our 50s, and this kind of thing just makes me feel sad for her. It also makes me feel sad for myself for marrying someone who could fall for this crap.

Her friends keep telling her she looks beautiful in the touched up images, which makes her want to take more photos and edit them on her phone.

It’s at the point where she’s basically acting like a teenager, and I can’t deal with it anymore. She’s always on her phone looking at herself. What do you suggest?

— Fed Up, St. Boniface

Dear Fed Up: It’s time to look after yourself. That means finding help for you, in this unusual situation. Your physician could recommend a counsellor for you to see on your own, and then possibly include your wife later on if you want to. It seems she needs serious professional help on her own, as well.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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