Bit of clarity can ease angst with neighbour

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a woman and live with my “man friend.” We are a very devoted couple and do everything together, but we never have sex — just cuddle.

Why? We are both sexually attracted to same-sex “special friends” for occasional sex, but only every few months. We’re just not highly-sexed people, but our deep and affectionate friendship means the world to us.

Now we have potential trouble. This avid gardening woman lives next door now, and comes calling on us when we’re in our yard. She spends altogether too much time looking at my handsome man and directing conversation towards him. She makes him laugh with work-related jokes she knows I won’t get, because they’re both in the same profession.

Frankly, I’d like to hit her over the head, but I’m more sophisticated than that. What can I do?

— Jealous Woman, East Kildonan

Dear Jealous Woman: Sometimes flirts just have to learn the boundaries! You may want to discuss your irritation on the matter with your man, who could also help ease your mind on this intrusion.

Even without explaining the nature of your relationship with this flirt, a supposedly friendly neighbour should be willing to tone down their behaviour once confronted.

If you and your mate are comfortable filling her in on your living arrangement and sexual preferences, it would make things clear and it may be surprisingly easy for her to cease and desist from that moment on.

If she cuts out the flirting nonsense out, perhaps you can be polite neighbours or even friends down the road.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: There’s a blond-haired young guy who just started working with the large company where I’m employed, and he looks like a dead ringer for my high school boyfriend.

I asked him what his full name was, and he smiled and told me. Bingo! He had to be the son of my old love, from long ago. He was named after Daddy which makes him “Daddy Jr.”

For a laugh, I said, “Say hello to your dad from me.” His son works fast. The very next day I got a call from his dad at my desk. He asked me to meet him for lunch. I was curious, said yes and went.

When I got to the restaurant, I was looking for my ex-boyfriend’s mop of blonde hair when a bald fellow in a suit approached me and smiled. Then I saw his gold tooth and recognized him — my old boyfriend! Great kisser, and more, but never mind.

He said to me, “I almost didn’t recognize you, now you’re grey! Colour your hair, and you’ll look younger. ” He’s just as rude and blunt as ever. So I said, “And you, my friend, are bald!” We got over that exchange by laughing about it, and had a fairly amusing lunch.

Before leaving, he asked me to meet him at our old neighbourhood bar soon, when we had more time. Then, beside my car, he tried to kiss me full on the lips. I turned my head, so he got me on the ear! He was always a klutz. The silly man keeps calling me to meet him for another drink. Should I actually do it?

— Don’t Have Anyone Else, St. James

Dear Don’t Have Anyone: Don’t waste his time or yours! You might want a buddy thing with him, but he sounds like he wants something sexual.

You don’t mention him divulging his relationship status, so maybe he’s just looking for something on the sly. If so, let him kiss somebody else — maybe his wife — for a change, and spend his time pleasing her a little more.

Also consider this: If you had an affair with this high school boyfriend, it would probably become plenty awkward with his son at your workplace. Ouch! How’s that for a pail of cold water over your head?

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography