‘Swinging’ pool exit need not be splashy

Opinion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wife and I moved into a new housing development at the beginning of the summer, and more than a few of us have pools. Since we’re all new, we started inviting each other to parties in our backyards.

My wife and I are older — in our late 40s — whereas this group is mostly 10 or so years younger. As a happy couple, we are fun people to have around — not stuffy at all. But when we head home, usually fairly early, from these get-togethers, we both wonder what happens after we leave and it gets dark.

I just have a feeling about it because I have noticed both my wife and I receiving a few long stares up and down from attendees at these events. After two months of this, I’m finding this new group of neighbours a bit too touchy-feely for my comfort.

Am I just too old to play these games? Maybe. But I don’t think I’m imagining things.

I think we have innocently wandered into something of a swinging pool group. Should we tell them we’re out of the group before anything happens? My wife says I’m overthinking this. She likes these people, though I really don’t.

— Pool Predicament, Sage Creek

Dear Predicament: Since one summer has been enough for you, and this doesn’t feel like the right group of friends for you, there’s an easy escape coming. As September approaches, there will be fewer pool parties, so it’s the perfect time to fade out.

Just say you’re busy broadening your choices for new activities for fall and winter.

If they contact you next summer, you’ll be “way too busy, but thanks.”

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My old love from high school gave me a call after we had a chance meeting in a mall recently. I gave him my contact info because I knew a guy who had exactly what he was looking to buy that day, so he could probably get the item privately for half the price.

So my old ex did that and called to tell me how the deal went, and we ended up talking for half an hour.

The next day, he called my home phone number while I was out, and my husband answered and took a message. He recognized my ex’s name and when I got home, he handed me the note like he was throwing out a piece of garbage.

“It’s your old boyfriend, wanting a call back,” he said coldly.

Not easily cowed, I picked up my phone and called my old boyfriend right there.

My husband should have known by my tone that it was a perfectly innocent interchange — but he’s still sulking. What now?

— Angry and Innocent, East Kildonan

Dear Angry and Innocent: Don’t give this incident much more of your attention, as your husband is getting what he wants when you do. If he really digs his heels in and wants a fight, ask him if he’d like to go to a couple’s counselling session or two, with you to “work through this maturely without a long fight.”

It’s unlikely he’ll take you up on counselling over an issue as petty as this, as it could easily cost the two of you a few bucks.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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