Leave the past in the past with new neighbour

Opinion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: What a shock! I had not yet seen the new people who moved in a couple houses down our block because we all tend to use our back doors in the wintertime to get to our garages and cars, and just don’t have as many opportunities to bump into neighbours.

Then yesterday, I happened to be out front when the new neighbour woman stepped out her front door, and then yelled for her housemate to hurry up. My eyes nearly fell out of their sockets when I saw who it was — the former love of my life and someone who used to haunt my dreams.

She put her arm around the woman who came out the door and kissed her on the lips for what felt like a long time. What? This was the girlfriend I couldn’t get to marry me, and now I find out she’s a lesbian or bisexual. She’s such a troublemaker, that I’d bet she knew I lived here before buying the house. Now what do I do when she wanders over here? Because I know she will.

— Happily Married, North Kildonan

Dear Happily Married: Tell your wife you saw your old girlfriend and her female partner, who have moved onto your street. Describe their scene on the front step. Then, don’t make any effort to say hello or welcome your ex to the neighbourhood. There’s no point, and it’s time to move on.

If she comes over on some excuse, keep it short. Don’t make it any fun to try flirting or connecting with you. Let her know she’s lost her power, and you’re crazy about your wife. Then bore her to death by talking about your perfect mate. Hopefully, after a few rounds of that nonsense, she’ll go home and stay there.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I promised myself I’d be over my marriage breakup and find new love this spring, but I’m just not over my anger yet. It just burns me to see my ex in the back pew of my family’s church with his new girlfriend. They sit right by the same aisle I once walked down to marry him.

My kids are really young, so they stand on the pew and keep watch for Daddy on Sunday mornings. Then they wave madly at him and his girlfriend when they come in.

We sit at the front so I don’t have to look at the new couple much. They just make me so mad!

The kids and I shouldn’t have to find another church — we didn’t split up the family. Their daddy did that all by himself.

Can’t my selfish ex go with her to another church? Apparently not, as my ex-husband always does what he wants, and justifies it with, “It was important to me!”

The kids love going to church and Sunday school, and are fascinated by the great big choir singing the roof off. But for me Sunday church just feels like a bandage is once again being ripped off.

I hate knowing the “lovers” are there together in the back row.

My friends say, “Just change churches,” but why should I have to leave a place of worship that’s been dear to me all my life?

I introduced my husband to it, but now I wish I hadn’t. Please help me.

— Pain at Church, Bridgwater

Dear Pain at Church: Sit strategically so you aren’t looking at your ex and his new woman. Also, speak to your church leader privately to ask what other ex-couples have done in your situation.

You should also consider asking the Sunday school supervisor if they need any help with teaching or taking care of the little ones. That way you can get up and follow the kids off to Sunday school, and cut down your uncomfortable time at church your ex.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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