Resolve dorm-days rift to truly get past it

Opinion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: It was 8 a.m. at the office building I work in. There are three elevators to choose from and this hot-looking new guy got on mine. I thought it was fate. He hit the same top-floor button — my destination. He was so good-looking I tried not to stare. Instead, I studied the elevator flooring all the way up.

When I finally looked up, he said, “So, we meet again,” and gave me a curt little nod and went off in the direction of our new boss’s office.

What was that guy talking about? And, why was he going to talk with the big boss? It took me until noon to realize I ran into the grown-up version of a guy I treated horribly when I was a university student living in residence. After three months of him leaving anonymous little gifts at my door, and a drunken declaration at a social of his love for me, I told him I couldn’t be less interested.

He had tears in his eyes. I wanted to get rid of him and I was cruel when I did it. I never saw him again, though I heard he eventually moved out of residence. Now, many years later, he is my new competitor.

It bothered me so much I went to my boss’s office and mentioned the new guy. I asked what he thought of his work so far, and he said he was a great guy who is going places.

My boss also said that guy mentioned knowing me in university. That can’t be good. Now what?

I consider myself going places, too, and thought I had the eye of management. Who knew the two of us would end up working for the same firm? What do you say to a rising star who holds a grudge against you? It suddenly feels like 20 years have never really passed.

I can’t just do nothing and let him undermine me. He has reason to dislike me and could block my career path. What should I do?

— Suddenly Nervous, River Heights

Dear Nervous: This popular new employee certainly remembers what happened with you back in university. It seems like it was a big wound for him.

You do owe him an apology for being quite harsh back then. You need to resolve this past incident if you want to end up enjoying working together and avoiding unneeded stress.

Since the boss thinks this guy’s a great find, you need to make peace quickly or consider finding work with a similar company other than yours. What you cannot do as a respectable grown-up is try to pretend nothing happened between you two. Nobody will be fooled. Just look how much it’s already bothering you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My mom is in love with my dad again since he quit drinking — again. This has happened before, many times, and then he disappoints us all and falls off the wagon. I’m so sick of the roller-coaster and don’t want to believe in it again just to be disappointed once more.

I’m wasting too much emotion, and I’m a lifelong non-drinker because of those two. Talk about wasted cocktails and parties with my friends. I’m sick of how much time I still worrying over my parents. I deserve better than this. Please help me.

— Tired of Parenting my Parents, Transcona

Dear Tired of Parenting: Al-Anon has one purpose and that is to help the families of alcoholics. They do it by welcoming and giving comfort to the loved-ones of alcoholics, and by offering understanding and encouragement to alcoholics. Visit al-anon.org to find info about meetings that can help everyone from young people to seniors.

Not all people want to focus a lot of their time on their alcoholic family members. But if and when they do, by consulting Al-Anon at least they’ll have the tools to help and have experienced back-up to support them.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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