Could be déjà blues if you take in vexing ex

Opinion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Winter is over and my ex-boyfriend has come back from university in British Columbia with his tail between his legs. He flew home on a ticket his brother had to buy for him.

I heard from a mutual friend that his Vancouver girlfriend had kicked him out soon after the term ended (for reasons I don’t know) and he was just staying with a buddy until he caught the flight.

Now that he’s home on his family’s farm and has no one else to talk to, he calls me in Winnipeg every day. He hasn’t kept in touch with his other Manitoba friends, but he called me occasionally all year. That hurt. Occasional, cool friendship was all I got, because he had a girlfriend where he lived.

Now he just phoned me and told me he has a promising job interview in Winnipeg in a few weeks, and asked if he could he stay over at my place after the interview.

Should I let him sleep at my place if he can’t find anywhere else, or would that be looking for more heartbreak?

I used to love him so much, and I always thought we’d get married one day.

— Perplexed by Ex, southeastern Manitoba

Dear Perplexed by ex: With the way you talk about this ex-boyfriend, I wouldn’t recommend taking him in just yet. He broke your heart before and you don’t need a repeat performance of that.

The two of you might end up sleeping together for “old times’ sake” if you’re staying under the same roof — nothing like a big welcome home to Manitoba.

But that intimacy could end up really hurting your feelings. Since this ex is not committed to you anymore, you’d probably just end up with another painful goodbye to get over.

What you two really need is to talk about everything that’s gone on, and how you feel — or don’t feel — about each other. Do it now at the beginning of the summer and if you’re only going to be friends then keep it that way physically, too.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Imagine my shock when my snottiest competitor at work stopped by my desk to tell me she was leaving the company and said she wanted to tell me so I could “try” for her position and “maybe start making some decent money.”

What? I’m already above her in terms of our positions! When I asked her where she was going to be working, she said, “Oh, wouldn’t you like to know!”

— Totally Confused, St. James

Dear Totally Confused: Perhaps this woman just got fired and was trying to save face. It sounds like the words of someone who had just lost their position and had to get a little dig in before she left.

If this woman had just announced to the boss she was quitting, and had a better job waiting, she’d be the type who would have dropped the new job details right in your lap, as she flounced out — but she didn’t!

Whatever the situation, don’t go digging for details right away, as that will make you look petty. Rest assured someone in the office will gleefully explain it to you soon enough.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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