Canine conundrum calls for clear-cut consensus

Opinion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My workaholic husband refuses to leave me, even after catching me cheating on him with another woman I’d been calling my best friend. He came home from work one afternoon unexpectedly and found us entertaining each other in the master bedroom.

He didn’t talk to me for three days. Then he said he had found it in his heart to forgive me and said he didn’t blame me because he’s always away at work. True enough, but I don’t want his forgiveness or the titillation he so clearly feels when he talks about the bedroom scene he happened upon.

Now he’s saying my “girly affair” is actually his fault because he’s ignored me so much. And oddly, he is suddenly begging for a chance to prove how much he loves me.

I told him it was too late. My love was given no respect or attention and it burned out. He said he wants to start over and rekindle it.

Then, he came home with a gift for me — a big mixed-breed dog I had always wanted but he wouldn’t allow. I still want to get out of this marriage, but I want to take the dog with me.

Today he asked me not to leave. He said, “You were lonely because of me and so you had a close friendship with a woman. I can forgive that. This dog is a present, no strings attached.”

I’ve already fallen in love with the dog. What should I do?

— Making Changes, Weston

Dear Making Changes: No matter what your soon-to-be ex husband says about the dog being a gift, get your ownership of that pooch in writing, quickly. If you want to be free and totally manage your own life now, you’ll need to need to introduce honesty into the equation.

That means seeing a divorce lawyer and breaking up with the man you don’t love anymore. You’ll also need to talk honestly with your female lover about what she wants and what you want with her. Does she really want to be living as a couple together, or is this a long-term dating gig for her? It’s also time to ask her if she’s seeing other women, or if you are her one and only. Plus, is she willing to be true to you, now you’re free?

If she solely wants you, then you two have a chance at finally being a real couple, but you’ll have to be willing to work as hard as she does. If you don’t have a job, you’re going to need one in a hurry, no matter how much money you might eventually receive in the divorce.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My sweetheart loves to go winter camping, which is her joke expression for camping in May. I’m a big guy, but not nearly as hardy as she is.

The problem for me is the lovemaking she wants when it’s freezing at night.

I can’t get anywhere near sexual paradise in the cold. I just want to cuddle up and try to keep warm, but that’s it. Any ideas? When it’s frigid and I’m shivering, I just can’t perform. My babe just rolls her eyes at me and I feel like a dud.

— Frozen Out, Crescentwood

Dear Frozen Out: I’ve known hardy camping couples that make a sexual deal for May and September. Hot sex at the campsite? Not so much. Instead, they schedule night-before-camping sex as they pack up to leave, and also a welcome-home session for when they come back to town.

If the sun is shining and it’s warm enough in the afternoon, some mini-sessions at the campsite can be additional fun, but night performances are pretty chancy.

Please send your questions to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography