Wild blast from past not getting the message

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 18/10/2024 (336 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: When I was in my mid-20s, I hooked up online with a woman who was 35. We were like a circus act when we got together and she taught me a lot of great stuff about sex. But her life changed and she moved out of the province years ago. We completely lost contact until recently. She has moved back to Winnipeg, and she’s becoming a problem in my life.

My life has changed radically since I knew her. I’m almost 35 and married now, with two young children and another on the way. I have a great wife I love very much.

Through social media, this ex-lover contacted me when she moved back. I responded to her with a cool but polite, “Welcome back to Winnipeg.” Unfortunately, she seemed to read that as an invitation back to the wild sex we used to have and won’t stop sending me lewd invitations, even though I’m ignoring her. I totally lost interest in this woman many years ago.

The bottom line is I’m not a party guy anymore, and I love my wife and kids deeply. I don’t want my wife thinking I’m into this old lover, but I’m getting sexually explicit invitations from her constantly now.

I’ve told her to stop, but she won’t. What can I do about her?

— Not Cougar Prey, St. James

Dear Not Cougar Prey: Now is definitely the time to block this wild old ex every way you can, and get legal help to do it if necessary.

Then tell your wife what you’re doing, and why. You need to tell her about your ex-sex partner in case she finds a way to send your wife messages to upset her. Consider talking to a lawyer now and make a plan to get the harassment stopped legally and quickly if a simple plea to stop contacting you doesn’t work.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: There’s this gorgeous athletic guy who just joined my university carpool group. When we get a few kilometres from his place, he gets out, stuffs his jacket and old shoes into his backpack, changes to running shoes and gets ready to run. This daily routine turns me on.

Sometimes, he puts on different outerwear and head coverings for the weather. Lately he’s been getting out at earlier stops to start running further.

I’m just amazed by him. How can I better connect with him?

I have asked him questions in the car about whether he is training for a race or a marathon, and quizzing him about the weather and different running conditions. He doesn’t speak more than three words back.

I’m thinking my attempts at conversation may be too much for him to think about while he’s getting ready to run. What can I do? I am fascinated.

— Mystery Runner, south Winnipeg

Dear Mystery Runner: Give up. Mystery man is not interested in talking to you, so is not worth your time. He may even be busy doing a form of meditation and preparing himself mentally for the long, hard run when he’s in the car. You may simply be a pest for him.

Too many people think if they just try harder, they’ll win somebody over. You don’t earn love with simple effort.

Accept the fact this guy is just not looking your way, so there’s nothing you can do but lean back in your seat, relax and relegate him to the daydream department in your mind.

Please send your questions to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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