It’s never too late to express your true self

Advertisement

Advertise with us

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My ex-wife, who is still a very close friend, drove to my condo where I was holed up earlier this month and roared at me, “For God’s sake, I know why you’re depressed and hiding out. Don’t live your whole life pretending to people you’re straight.”

Read this article for free:


or

Already have an account? Log in here »

To continue reading, please subscribe:

Subscribe and receive a limited-edition Free Press branded hat or tote.

Digital Subscription

One year of digital access for only $205*

  • Enjoy unlimited reading on winnipegfreepress.com
  • Read the E-Edition, our digital replica newspaper
  • Access News Break, our award-winning app
  • Play interactive puzzles

*First annual payment billed as $205.00 + GST for one year. This annual subscription will automatically renew at $233.00 + GST every 52 weeks (10% off the regular annual price of $259.35). Offer available to new and qualified returning subscribers only. Cancel any time.

To continue reading, please subscribe:

Add Free Press access to your Brandon Sun subscription for only an additional

$1 for the first 4 weeks*

  • Enjoy unlimited reading on winnipegfreepress.com
  • Read the E-Edition, our digital replica newspaper
  • Access News Break, our award-winning app
  • Play interactive puzzles
Start now

*Your next Brandon Sun subscription payment will increase by $1.00 and you will be charged $17.95 plus GST for four weeks. After four weeks, your payment will increase to $24.95 plus GST every four weeks.

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 23/10/2024 (709 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My ex-wife, who is still a very close friend, drove to my condo where I was holed up earlier this month and roared at me, “For God’s sake, I know why you’re depressed and hiding out. Don’t live your whole life pretending to people you’re straight.”

I told her I’d finally given up. I just felt it was past time to come out in my 60s. Our kids are in their 40s.

I’ve always loved the look of women — my wife was very beautiful — but it wasn’t enough. Deep down, I was really wanting a man in my life. I’ve always been living a lie. My ex was right. I do still want to meet and fall in love with a man, but I’m scared I’ve left it too long. I need to talk to someone to help me finally come out. But who and where?

I know younger people than me have places to go for help, but what about an older guy who wants to finally summon the courage to come out?

— Too Late? Crescentwood

Dear Too Late?: The Rainbow Resource Centre (rainbowresourcecentre.org) offers support to the LGBTTQ+ community in the form of counselling, education and programming for people ranging from children through seniors.

That age definition includes you. For instance, a great start for people 55 and older is a discussion group called Over the Rainbow. They meet in person and also online for coffee and discussions on casual concerns to deeper issues. It would be a comfortable start.

There’s also an option of contacting the group leader privately when it comes to more difficult questions.

So, start by contacting the centre and simply tell them you need counselling to help you finally come out. Be aware that after all these years, some people who know you well will already have guessed your actual orientation. For them, it’ll be a relief not to have to go along with the pretense anymore.

If you’re looking for individual counselling outside the centre, the Rainbow Resource Centre also keeps a list of recommended private therapists who have special understanding of the many issues you have faced alone throughout your life.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: We are six weeks in, and I have a big crush on my art instructor. I think she knows that well enough. It’s a mixed class and she attracts lots of enthusiastic people. I sit right up near the front. I think she’s single, but I’m hesitant to ask anything about that.

Since it’s a fun class and not a university course, is there any harm in asking her to do something after class with me, like going out for coffee? I’m not a shy guy and quite funny, and she’s an outgoing type herself. Plus, she seems to like my comments before classes.

I’m a bit afraid she might already have someone in her life, although she doesn’t wear any rings.

However, if she does turn me down, will that spoil the class for me? I don’t want to quit. What’s a safe way to find out if she’s interested in me before I ask her for coffee?

— Dying to Ask, Royalwood

Dear Dying to Ask: There’s no totally safe way and no guarantees when asking for dates, but you might start asking questions in class that show you’re really listening and interested in the subject matter. If this instructor seems to be warming to you, then you might ask her for coffee when no one else is hanging around. However, she may have a rule not to date people in her classes.

Be sure to have a “good sport” line to use if she gives you a terse disappointing no. A little smile, plus a gentle phrase such as, “Oh well. You can’t blame a guy for trying,” could be a face saver. Then, sit a little further back during future classes to avoid any discomfort for her.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

Our newsroom depends on a growing audience of readers to power our journalism. If you are not a paid reader, please consider becoming a subscriber.

Our newsroom depends on its audience of readers to power our journalism. Thank you for your support.

Report Error Submit a Tip

More Stories

Neighbours concerned shed used as home on city land

Malak Abas 6 minute read Preview

Neighbours concerned shed used as home on city land

Malak Abas 6 minute read Wednesday, Sep. 14, 2022

An unassuming tiny home suddenly appeared one day in August, tucked between a park and community garden in St. James.

Read
Wednesday, Sep. 14, 2022

Winnipeg’s challenge: preparing for weather extremes

Adam Johnston 5 minute read Preview

Winnipeg’s challenge: preparing for weather extremes

Adam Johnston 5 minute read Yesterday at 2:00 AM CDT

A new United Nations report warns the world will exceed the 1.5 C Paris limit by 2030.

Winnipeg’s string of extreme weather events in recent years — this summer’s intense rainstorms that caused flash flooding, basement damage, power outages, prolonged heat waves, last summer’s wildfires, and the freakish October 2019 wet snowstorm — underscores the urgent need for stronger emergency plans and climate resilience in the face of the UN’s new report.

As the city enters an unknown era from increwasing extreme weather events, it must also confront this haunting truth or face future unprepared consequences.

Winnipeg faces persistent challenges, including limited library hours during the summer (they could act as cooling places for the most vulnerable), and gaps in public and active transportation which make it harder for many residents to reach essential services.

Read
Yesterday at 2:00 AM CDT

Who has been invited to the table?

Stephen Borys 6 minute read Preview

Who has been invited to the table?

Stephen Borys 6 minute read Yesterday at 2:01 AM CDT

Last Friday, I spoke at Booth University College’s inaugural Honour and Hope Harvest Dinner in support of Shelter U. I had been asked to speak about the power of art in the community, a subject I have spent much of my professional life thinking about — as a museum director, writer and teacher, and now through my consulting work with Civic Muse.

What continues to interest me is not simply what museums, universities and other public institutions do, but whether their work actually matters — whether they make a difference in the lives of the people and communities around them.

Preparing for the evening brought me back to an even more fundamental question: Who has been invited in?

One of my museum mentors used to remind me that institutions often begin the conversation about public engagement too late. Before engagement comes the welcome, and before the welcome comes the invitation. We can create extraordinary buildings, exhibitions and programs and say that everyone is welcome. But unless people believe that these places are also meant for them, many will never cross the threshold.

Read
Yesterday at 2:01 AM CDT

Safety upgrades completed at Whiteshell park falls where brothers drowned

Free Press staff 2 minute read Preview

Safety upgrades completed at Whiteshell park falls where brothers drowned

Free Press staff 2 minute read Updated: 2:54 PM CDT

Safety improvements have been completed at Sturgeon Falls in Whiteshell Provincial Park, where two brothers from Winnipeg drowned in July, the province announced Friday.

The Sturgeon Falls trail was closed for upgrades after Maximo Au Ramirez, 10, and Aaron Au Ramirez, 13, disappeared in the fast-moving rapids. Their bodies were recovered days later.

The trail and viewing areas have reopened. Viewing areas are now fenced to prevent people from walking onto hazardous slippery rocks. Signs were installed to warn visitors of drowning hazards.

A new portage gives canoeists and kayakers access to and from safe shoreline areas adjacent to the falls, the province said.

Read
Updated: 2:54 PM CDT

Province putting $8M into safe space for Thompson Indigenous women and families

Free Press staff 2 minute read Preview

Province putting $8M into safe space for Thompson Indigenous women and families

Free Press staff 2 minute read 12:40 PM CDT

An $8-million provincial investment in the Mino’Ayaawag Ikwewag Northern Lodge in Thompson fulfils the NDP’s 2023 election promise to establish three new 24-7 safe spaces for Indigenous women and their families in that city, Winnipeg and Brandon.

The lodge is expected to be up and running in 2028, Families Minister Nahanni Fontaine, who is also responsible for women and gender equity, said at a news conference in Winnipeg. It builds on a 2025 investment of $3.5 million to establish a first-of-its-kind 24-7 safe space for Indigenous women and their children in Winnipeg, and a 2024 investment of $500,000 to support the creation of Franny’s Place, a new 24-7 safe space in Brandon.

The Mino’Ayaawag Ikwewag (Anishinaabemowin for “all women doing well”) Northern Lodge will operate as a community of care, offering culturally grounded supports that help individuals and families heal, stabilize and rebuild lives at risk of violence.

It will include 10 short-term private studio suites, a communal kitchen and living area, counselling and program space, laundry facilities and a dedicated child-minding area with Indigenous cultural teaching and play-based learning. Residents will have access to trauma-informed supports, cultural programming, parenting supports, peer support and supported connections to housing, health, education, employment and legal services.

Read
12:40 PM CDT

Prairie sculptor Joe Fafard pays tribute to revered Dutch master

Alan Small 6 minute read Preview

Prairie sculptor Joe Fafard pays tribute to revered Dutch master

Alan Small 6 minute read Tuesday, Jul. 10, 2018

Vincent van Gogh has been inspiring artists for close to 150 years. For sculptor Joe Fafard, the Dutch master’s life and art have been objects of fascination for many of his 75 years.

So much so that Fafard’s latest Winnipeg exhibition, The Essential Joe Fafard — Van Gogh and Other Inspirations, which opened Friday at Mayberry Fine Art, includes several sculptures of van Gogh, who began painting in 1881 but lived a short, turbulent life, fraught with mental illness, before committing suicide in 1890 at the age of 37.

“Starting about 1983, I started doing portraits of van Gogh,” Fafard says in a phone conversation from his home near Regina.

“Essentially, people used his life, his career and his anguish as sort of a stereotype of an artist’s blueprint for artistic endeavour. I became quite fascinated to see that he was the Christ and other artists were the apostles.”

Read
Tuesday, Jul. 10, 2018