Walk hapless hubby through the art of gifting

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This article was published 08/01/2024 (969 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: When it comes to gifts, I can lead my husband to water and shove his face in it, but he still won’t drink.

Half the time he says his gifts for me have been ordered and are coming in the mail, which means he forgot or put it off until it was too late to make the deadline.

The other half of his gifts to me are clearly things he wants himself.

This Christmas I even told him exactly what I wanted, but when I opened my presents, he hadn’t got anything I had picked out. I could tell he’d just gone to his favourite stores and bought a bunch of stuff he liked that he thought I might be mildly interested in.

He’s playing with one of “my” games as I write to you, and it makes me so mad.

I find it very hurtful when someone I love sees buying gifts for me as a chore. How do I get through to him that this isn’t acceptable for a 42-year-old man with a functioning brain?

— Disappointed Wife Again, East Kildonan

Dear Disappointed: Your husband knows he’s no good at this gift-giving thing and probably feels discouraged when he blows it. He needs to be helped step-by-step to learn the art of gift-giving — but not be shamed in the process. Watch your language with him.

One month before a birthday or any other holidays where you exchange presents, sit down together and make lists “because neither of you are mind-readers.” You should also include where the gifts can be found to make it easy. Then you two can spend a little time doing the actual ordering together, but perhaps in different rooms to create some surprise.

Also, you could go out arm-in-arm to do some shopping, being honest and upfront with him about what you like. Once your man learns your favourite shops and what lights you up, he may actually start getting excited for the first time about buying you gifts.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a lesbian (age 37). My girlfriend broke up with me and went back to her ex-girlfriend the day after Christmas. I am heartbroken; I loved her but we were not living together yet. Her timing is awful.

To make matters worse, she held on to the expensive Christmas presents I gave her and is not volunteering to give them back. My gifts included a designer purse and earrings with her birthstone surrounded by little diamonds. They are beautiful. I spent a lot of money.

In return, she gave me a pair of serviceable gloves that aren’t even real leather. They were fake, just like her feelings for me. I really don’t think she should keep my gifts and run, when I might be able to return them and get my money back. What do you think?

— Broke My Bank for Nothing, West End

Dear Broke: Some people argue “a gift is a gift” and they don’t need to be returned to a recent ex-love — particularly if there’s no upcoming engagement or wedding attached to them.

Still, you could nicely ask your ex to return the Christmas gifts you gave her — but be prepared to duck.

Just kidding … although there’s a good chance she won’t want to wear your gifts now and might be quite OK with selling them off herself.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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