Salacious story sharing leads to unhappy ending

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This article was published 27/10/2023 (1045 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Summer is over but my wife and I still go up to the cabin until the lake freezes over. Last time there, we drank a lot of wine and then played our versions of True Confessions. I went first, and told her about the time I got drunk with two older women at a bar when I was 20, and they took me home to be their plaything.

Then it was my wife’s turn. She said she was giving up her turn because what I confessed “hurt her” somehow. I asked her if she felt jealous and she said, “No, I just think differently of you somehow.”

It was just supposed to be a joke! I mean, it was true, but I just told her the story because it was kind of amusing. Why is she taking it so seriously?

— Confused By Her Overreaction, North Kildonan

Dear Confused: What if she had told you a similar story — that she was taken home by two guys from the bar to be their plaything? You probably wouldn’t like it! There’s nothing amusing about it when you tell your serious lover you let people use you. The images that come to mind can be off-putting.

These kinds of stories are sometimes shared between old friends, but not so successfully between lovers. These tales may not sit well with people who have pledged themselves to you, because they think so highly of you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I ate so much when I was out with my new boyfriend and was so excited to be with him, that I ended up having to run to the washroom at the restaurant and throw up. He was shocked, said he was sure I was sick with something bad and took me straight home.

On the drive, I told him it was nothing, and that I throw up sometimes when I’m over-excited. Nobody in my family thinks it’s a big deal! But he was careful not to kiss me goodnight, even though I was chewing gum. He didn’t even walk me to the door. He just said goodbye, let me out at the curb and took off.

Ever since, I’ve been babysitting my phone, waiting for him to call, but no call. My sister says to stop waiting for him to make a move. She says guys like that are weaklings and not “strong enough” for real relationships.

My sister thinks she knows everything about guys, but she doesn’t. For instance, her boyfriend flirted with me behind her back at the lake this summer. I told her about it — and she’s still with him. Does that her make her “strong enough” for a relationship or just plain stupid? The main question is: Should I dump this guy?

— Wavering, Fort Rouge

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: It appears he has already dumped you. If he hasn’t been calling you since the vomiting incident, he may be gone. Then the only way to gain the upper-hand is to tell a mutual friend you are finished with him, because he’s so weak and immature.

He may laugh when that gets back to him, or he may wonder if you’re right. Leave it at that! You just want the upper hand, not to go another round with him.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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