Newly buff hubby relishing all the attention

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This article was published 25/10/2023 (1039 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My love life is a total washout since my husband lost close to 60 pounds. He’s looking much younger — like his real age of 38 — instead of resembling someone pushing middle age. He always had beautiful dark-brown eyes and a handsome face, and that hasn’t gone away. In fact, it’s even better. And now, thanks to running and weightlifting, his body is all pumped up.

I was happy for him until women started calling our home phone and hanging up when I answer. I guess they are calling the landline because they want me to know they’re after him.

When I cornered him on it, he gave me a big speech claiming he has some female friends at work who are calling because they need help and advice. He said nothing is going on between them, and they have problems with their boyfriends that he can help with.

What? He can’t even handle his own family problems and that’s why he ate so much. Now he’s had a lot of counselling and he think thinks he can help these women at his work? The painful truth I’m realizing is he is flirting up a storm. I liked him better when he was heavier.

I know why the women are really calling, but I have loved him for 10 years and can’t bear to lose him. I feel like I’m involved in a competition I didn’t enter. Should I tell him I’m going to leave him? Should I remind him I loved him when he was bigger and no one else wanted him? I loved his heart and soul, and now this is what I get? What kind of love is that? Do I just need to pack and get the heck out of here?

— Hurting Every Day, West Kildonan

Dear Hurting Every Day: First, tell your husband you aren’t staying for this kind of marriage, and tell yourself, “I can do better than this.” Your next step is to get tough! Start answering the phone calls from women with, “Why are you calling my husband?” and then say, “Never call him again.”

Then tell your husband you’re going to marriage counselling with or without him, and really do it. Finally, face the fact that some relationships wear out and come to an end when situations change.

Perhaps your marriage only worked for him when there weren’t any other interested people. That’s a tough thing to hear, but he may be wanting to test out his new charm and you’re getting in his way. If that’s so, it’s time to go.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just said goodbye at the airport to an old girlfriend who came to town to visit her family — and it hurt me, as usual. I swore she would never get to me again, but she did. I can still see her green eyes after she kissed me goodbye — already surveying the crowd of male passengers in the lineup.

She was always thinking one step ahead and looking out for No. 1. Her most recent guy in Vancouver isn’t quite right either, she said. Was I really below par, like all the others? Will she never be satisfied until she marries a movie star or a big-time businessman? I’m just an ordinary professor.

Where do I go to find love? I am so lonely, and she made me feel it even worse.

— No One Stays, Fort Richmond

Dear No One: Looking for good-hearted, giving people? The world is in a lot of trouble these days and needs all the volunteer help it can get, whether it’s to do with climate, war, poverty or many other causes. One of the best things an able-bodied person can do is get involved helping to change the world, and a single adult with time on their hands is invaluable as a volunteer. Pick your cause and find out how to get involved.

Then really pitch in, well beyond the usual. The single people you meet while volunteering will have good hearts and lots of energy, and that’s a great place to start. Even if you don’t meet someone right away, you will feel good about yourself, and that’s always attractive to others.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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