Hitting bottle won’t scare off seasonal heartache

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This article was published 26/10/2023 (1069 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I met my great love at a Halloween party many years ago, when he was dressed as a skeleton — and so was I. People pushed us to dance with each other and they took some funny pictures. I still have copies in a scrapbook. We went home together and the rest was history — I married that bony skeleton!

We had so much fun when our kids were growing up — but then he got tired of me and found someone else. In the end, during one last fight, he told me he was leaving me to go “clank bones” (our old joke!) with someone else! That wasn’t funny. It really hurt.

A few weeks ago I heard they broke up. It was the best news I’d heard in ages! I must confess I’d had a few too many drinks, and phoned him up to see if it was true. He answered and said, “Drinking again?”

Then I said, “Well, you drove me to it!” and started to cry. That was the last thing I wanted to happen — to start crying over him again! Yes, I still drink too much on occasions.

I told him I was just calling “because I always think about the good times we had at Halloween time.” He told me never to call him again, and certainly not when I’ve been drinking.

I’m not an alcoholic, but on occasion I get lonely and drink too much and I get kind of feisty. Anyway, how can I get over him at Halloween time when everything reminds me of the wonderful times we had?

— Sometimes I Hurt So Bad, North End

Dear Hurt: Just because your ex-husband and his new woman broke up, doesn’t mean he’s available to be with a past partner again. It means he’s looking for someone new. Of course you miss the fun couple you two once were — that’s understandable. But that relationship no longer exists, and it won’t be coming back.

That doesn’t mean you can’t look for someone who is much like your old ex. In fact that might be a good idea, but it would help if you got a grip on the drinking problem, or your future relationships will also be doomed to fall apart too.

People who are binge drinkers can seek help, just like those who drink every day. They can work out ways to better deal with their frequency of drinking and cut out the offensive behaviour. Contact Alcoholics Anonymous (aamanitoba.org) and explain the nature of your drinking problem, and ask what can be done to help.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend makes fun of me because I won’t buy a car, when I could easily afford one. I’m a runner and a competitive cyclist. When we need a car to take us somewhere, she has her car, picks me up and away we go. Easy!

What is the problem then? She says she just wants the feeling of being taken somewhere instead of having to be the chauffeur all the time. Last night took the cake! We were driving to a movie and she said she was sick and tired of feeling “like a mother picking up her high school boy.”

I’d had enough. I opened the door at the next stop light, and got out, saying, “We’re done!” Problem solved, right? Nope! Now she won’t stop calling, and is leaving messages apologizing and asking me to be reasonable.

The thing is I am never going to change. I don’t want to drive. I am an athlete, first and foremost. If I need four wheels, I can call the occasional cab. I’m finished with her. What do you think?

— Not Backing Down, East Kildonan

Dear Not Backing Down: Walking, running or cycling — instead of driving a vehicle — is a lifestyle choice with you. This girlfriend can easily find other men who love to drive vehicles.

At this point, she needs to shift into high gear and find one! It shouldn’t be hard. Less than five per cent of the adult male population feels the way you do. So tell her that and send her on her way.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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