Don’t let lake lover drift away without a call

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 30/08/2023 (816 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I started “seeing” my single neighbour at the beach and by the end of the summer we were seeing each other in every way possible at each other’s rental cabins. Sometimes we’d even sneak out and make love in the sand, under the moon.

He was so sweet and romantic with me. However, since he’s been back in the city, he hasn’t called me once in two weeks.

I’m feeling so hurt! Was I just his beach fling and now I’m nothing to him? Granted, I live and work in a town 50 miles away from him now, but not even one call! What should I do?

— Cast Aside? southeastern Manitoba

Dear Cast Aside: It’s not up to guys in 2023 to always make the first call. So, admit you’re miserable, forget your false pride and phone him up to find out what’s going on! Maybe he mistakenly thought he was just a beach buddy “with privileges” to you. If that’s the case, you’ve both missed two hot weeks of what might be a blossoming relationship.

If he gives you a cool reception — and he might — don’t hang up right away. Ask him why he’s backing off, so you’re not left with a bunch of unanswered questions buzzing around in your head this fall.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I went on a date with a new guy, and it came out he’s actually a cop. I grew up poor and fearful of the police. Frankly, I’ve never had an encounter with the cops that was anything other than scary. This guy is good-looking and seems to have a nice, outgoing personality. Normally I’d give a guy like that a chance but I’m concerned about dating someone my family and friends would think was “bad news.”

Is it worth straining my relationship with the people close to me to go out a few times and see if this guy is worth dating?

— Uneasy for a Reason, North End

Dear Uneasy: Since you’re not deeply involved yet — and no one’s going to get badly hurt if you back off — have a frank talk about this. If you get involved with each other, it could be isolating for you. It might mean you’d only be able to socialize with his friends and family — not your own.

Also, it might be uncomfortable for this police officer to be the guy no one in your friend and family circles wants to talk to openly, or even be distantly friendly with. If he’s a guy with an outgoing personality he might do all right at breaking into your group, but the basic trust might not ever be there.

In fact, some people in your crowd might be suspicious of the reason for his presence in the beginning, wondering if he’s actually on a case.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have these friends I like a lot — a married couple. They keep trying to get people to mediate their arguments when they’re in social situations. We’ll be hanging out at a barbecue in their yard, for instance, and one of them will bring up an argument they’ve been having and ask the group which one of them is “in the right.”

It’s so uncomfortable. I know I’m not the only one who wants them to quit. I don’t want to stop socializing with this fun couple, but it seems like the only solution. What else could I do?

— Sick of Stupid Tactic, Bridgwater

Dear Sick: This couple loves to be the centre of attention. Your best move? Give them your best deer-in-the-headlights look and say, “I like you both, and I am not taking sides on your issues.” Then change the subject quickly, no matter how goofy the new topic sounds.

If they continue to argue with you, say you’ll call them later and do it. Tell them seriously they need to stop this conversation tactic, because it makes people uncomfortable. Only a real friend would have the guts to say so, so they might not be offended by your tip.

Send questions to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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