Don’t gamble on future with reckless spender

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This article was published 01/09/2023 (1079 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My spoiled girlfriend is 23, and still lives at home. She borrowed $150 from me a month ago, to go with her best buddies to the races “for a nice dinner, and to bet on a few horses.” In the end she blew the whole $150 on betting, and just had a quick burger. I heard that from one of her friends. I doubt there was ever a plan to go for a real dinner there, because she loves gambling way too much.

I’m not a rich guy, so I finally asked for my $150 back yesterday, and she said, “You’ll get it soon enough! What’s the big deal?” as if I’m the one who’s in the wrong. I haven’t called or texted her since, and she hasn’t made any moves. I guess we might be through soon, but first I need my money back. What should I do?

— Out 150 Bucks, St. James

Dear Out 150: This girlfriend may be thinking that since you’re possibly winding down as a couple, she might not need to pay you back at all! So, be nice, and see her again for a date (maybe your last) and then quietly drive to a bank machine ask her “for my $150, please.” If she refuses, tell her you really need the money, so maybe she’ll have to ask her folks. The bottom line? You may lose this money, but gain your freedom from a young woman who could be difficult as a marriage partner.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I fell in love early this summer, and now my girlfriend says she “just isn’t feeling it” anymore. Real love doesn’t fade out after eight weeks, does it? Mine hasn’t! My parents have been together for 24 years, and they’re still crazy about each other. I’ve always wanted what they have, and I thought I’d found it. I feel so bitter.

“Love” is nothing more than a joke, and I’m all alone again. The pain is so bad, I took some time off from my job, but that only made the days emptier. I cried so much at home, I went back to work. Please help me.

— Heartbroken Guy, Windsor Park

Dear Heartbroken: People are often so anxious to feel “true love” they mistake their first euphoric feelings in a new relationship for love, when it’s really a temporary infatuation. They may be bowled over at first by how the new person looks, feels and acts, but when things settle down after a few months, and the two people get to know the good and bad things about each other, they may stop feeling so impressed. Sadly, it’s rare both people become disenchanted at the same time!

So what can a person who’s newly single do to get his mojo back? I know a person who lost her love in a plane crash. In order to keep herself from totally losing it, she “over-joined.” That young woman, in her 20s, joined everything that looked even vaguely interesting, to get her through the first months of terrible grief. She wasn’t sporty, but she even learned to ride a unicycle.

Theatre companies, arts groups, colleges, universities and community clubs have classes opening and are looking for students for the fall. Consider taking too many classes at first, and filtering out what doesn’t interest you. Plus, sports of all kinds are starting up. You don’t have to be a big team-sport person, but you do need the distraction and company of other people. Your heart will heal faster with distractions, and you will meet a lot of new people to be friendly with, so you’re looking forward, and not looking backward, at what you lost.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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