Don’t let petty birdbrains ruffle your feathers

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This article was published 02/09/2023 (1130 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I watch hours of videos about cockatoos, and they’re incredible pets! They’re super intelligent and loving, if you treat them right. I know they need a lot of attention, but I work from home and probably always will, so a cockatoo seems like the perfect companion for me.

When I was a kid, we always had birds. I particularly loved to care for them and didn’t mind all the work. One very special bird used to like to sit on my shoulder and ride around the house with me everywhere. I loved it.

My male friends tell me not to get one, as it will outlive me, and they say, “Bird girls are weird!” Do men really care if a woman has a bird or not? Is it actually off-putting?

— Bird Girl from Way Back, West Kildonan

Dear Bird Girl: “To thine own self be true,” was the wise Shakespearean advice offered through the character Polonius in Hamlet. You are a bird lover, so be proud of that. Don’t hide the fact from people who might scoff! You want to know who those people are, and sort the rude ones out of your life.

If you settle for a boyfriend or mate who doesn’t like birds, that will deny you the fulfilment of having and loving a feathered pet, who’s a welcome part of your life. Bird fanciers should make an effort to attract people as friends who feel the same way.

You work at home, so why not get the bird you want? Then join bird fanciers’ groups, especially those in your area. You need to broaden the circle of people who understand your special interest. You may even meet your human mate that way.

By the way, it is true that people with long-living birds like cockatoos need a family and friend circle with younger members who also love birds and will agree to take them on, when their older human dies.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband’s ex-wife didn’t like her new job in Ontario and has moved back to our town, which is just what we don’t need. She’s moved right into our old neighbourhood, which is where I live with my guy in a condo now. Yikes!

He and I were both ecstatically happy when she moved out of Manitoba. He loves this town, and knows a lot of people here. His wife had a big drinking problem. I’ve heard by the grapevine she went to AA when she moved to Ontario, and finally got sober.

Today I literally ran into her at the gas station. I heard her call me a name, under her breath. She may have given up drinking, but she hasn’t given up cursing. I went home and told my husband what happened, but then this came flying out of my mouth: “I can’t live in this town if she’s here and I have to run into her everywhere I go!”

He went quiet, and then said, “What do you suggest? It’s her hometown as much as mine, and she’s got a great job in town again.” Then he gave me some of the details about it. Suddenly I knew he’d been talking to her again! Now I feel sick. How do I fight this?

— Feeling Scared, southern Manitoba

Dear Feeling Scared: Demanding to move out of town and calling your man’s ex-wife down is just going to remind him of the upsetting life he had before — with her! Now that she’s not drinking anymore, it’s even more dangerous for you to get ugly. You don’t want him suddenly defending her.

Aim for calm and classy in future surprise run-ins with her. As for pushing your man to move out of the area he loves — not a good plan. When his marriage went down the drain, his comfort was a town with people in it who still cared about him and the good memories from growing up there.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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