Rein in neighbours’ raucous romantic roller coaster

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 01/08/2023 (1160 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I just moved into a new apartment and I adore the big windows and the wonderful view. The problem is, my neighbours fight, even though they’re terribly hot for each other. I can hear them through the adjoining walls, constantly arguing, and then loudly making up. It’s like a roller-coaster.

I’d had as much as I could take last weekend, so I turned my bedroom stereo way up, during one of their loud make-up sessions. Then the woman comes to my door and tells me to turn it down, as it was bothering them. I was caught off-guard, so I apologized and turned it down.

I’m kicking myself now! I’ve never been the confrontational type, so I’m asking you, how do I handle this situation? I love my place and I really don’t want to move.

— Suffering in my Beautiful Apartment, Tuxedo

Dear Suffering: It’s not down to you to give up your apartment and move because of disruptive noise.

Building management can intercede in these situations, so tell them the whole story (in some detail), and ask for their help. They may give your raunchy neighbours a stern warning and a threat to terminate their rental agreement if they don’t moderate the noise level.

That process may take some time, so buy some quality earplugs. Headphones will also work, and provide you with some peace while you wait for a resolution.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts:The girl I used to love moved to B.C. after we started fighting all the time — and I finally broke up with her. But now, six months later, she’s been calling me, all sweet and sorry, every night.

We’re trying to figure things out. She says she’s doing that for us — I mostly just listen. We also text from our workplaces, and it gets pretty hot sometimes. I miss the sex with her, a lot.

She’s all gung-ho about “us” and wants to transfer back to her former office here. She’s already asked them, and they’re willing to take her back.

She also wants to move in with me. Whoa! She just says things like, “Why be afraid?” and “We have to live life with courage!”

She keeps pushing the idea of “being brave and jumping off the dock.” What? That thought makes me sweat.

She says she wants to see if we can make it work, but what if she comes back and that experiment doesn’t work? I’m hesitant because, when she lived in Winnipeg, we disagreed about so many important things. When we talk on the phone now, she refuses to rehash those topics, and says, “It’s all about our love now.” I’m so mixed up. Help me, please!

— Drowning in Her Arguments, St. James

Dear Drowning:Stop letting this bully push you into something that didn’t work before by “love bombing” you now. Take back your power.

Be clear you’re still unhappy about how things ended up and you need to know what, if anything, has really changed permanently.

To check that out in person, you could fly out to see her for a holiday and come home early if need be.

It’s better for you to go there so you can escape if you need to get out of there. If she’s unwilling to have you visit and just wants to move here and have you take her back wholly on faith, it will be hot and sexy at first, but it will almost certainly turn into a repeat of last time.

She needs someone who’s as tough and pushy as she is to provide balance in a relationship, and you are just not that kind of guy.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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