Provocative ink not your kink, so have a real think

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 18/06/2023 (1161 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My new boyfriend has a naked tattoo of his old girlfriend on his body and I want him to have it removed. Last night he said: “It’s my body, and the history of my life is there. Maybe you’ll be lucky enough end up there, too.”

Ha! That takes the cake. Who does he think he is? Why should I put up with staring at another naked woman on my boyfriend’s body while we’re making love?

I’m not a prude and I’m not old-fashioned. I don’t mind his other tattoos at all.

— Needing Her Removal, River Heights

Dear Removal: Most men would not enjoy looking at a tattoo of a new partner’s ex-lover while trying to make love with her. But you don’t present that problem to this new guy. He may even enjoy taunting women with his tattoo, hoping it will make them feel competitive. You two were not meant to be a match for long.

A woman with a tattoo of her old ex on her body might appreciate this man’s philosophy — but that’s certainly not you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I left my husband many years ago because he was abusive and I was afraid of him. I was replaced within a year.

I chose to stay single. He and I don’t socialize, but we see our kids and grandkids as a group on special occasions. These events are difficult for me, but I go for the kids. I keep quiet, and try to enjoy the little ones.

His girlfriend has four grandchildren of her own, but when we’re with my two grandkids, she literally jumps in front of me to clean their hands or take pictures or videos.

So, after opening gifts and having cake at my grandson’s birthday recently, the girlfriend suddenly announced she was so happy because it was their 10th anniversary. I couldn’t believe what I heard.

The divorce was incredibly painful for me and the children. They blamed me for breaking up the family. They understand about the abuse now, but it’s taken a lot of work on my part to have good relationships with them.

I hate going to these family events because I’m the only single person there, and the girlfriend has to be the centre of attention with her outfits and her comments. What should I do? I’m still upset she could be so rude.

— So Fed Up! Winnipeg

Dear Fed Up: Your kids are now aware of their father’s abusive behaviour as the reason for their parents’ breakup. You have no need to attend these events anymore. Your kids will understand. In fact, they may be shaking their heads in confusion as to why you still go regularly.

So, start hosting your own celebration lunches, dinners, barbecues or picnics with your kids and grandkids. The kids don’t want to see you with your ex and his girlfriend anymore — and perhaps they never did.

You don’t have to explain in detail. Just tell your kids you aren’t going to any more of those events, and they will understand completely. In fact, they will probably say: “Mom, it’s about time.”

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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