Be yourselves, but be flexible and things may work

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 22/06/2023 (1199 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m been falling in love with this passionate woman ever since Christmas. She’s an eager sex partner. Her ex-husband and only lover was a dud in that department.

This lady is also very funny and loves my old cat and the dogs, and she can really cook. But, there’s a hitch. She’s suspicious of water — scared silly of it, and hates fishing. In fact, she makes me take my phone out in my fishing boat, and tells me to “call her immediately” if I get into any trouble. A lot of help she’d be! She can’t swim to save her life, let alone mine. Besides, I can swim the width of the big lake, no problem.

My cabin is only a hour from the city where we work. Some years, with mild winters, I’ve happily commuted from June through September. This princess won’t even spend a long weekend at the lake with me! She heads back Sunday nights to her “real life” and doesn’t drive out until late Friday after the traffic. Now what?

— Shaking My Head, Winnipeg Beach

Dear Shaking: Stop trying to force it to work and just let each other be who you are — and I mean fully yourselves. That will often mean you’re out in the boat and she’s safely onshore with a compatible friend or two she brings out for company.

Your senses of humour seem in tune, and there’s a fiery sexual attraction, so you can probably both make a couple compromises for a relationship that seems to be working in so many ways.

If you steadfastly need each other to change over these differences, it could shake up or sink your relationship, and then you’re going to have a terrible ruined summer trying to get over this woman. Could you possibly let her be fully herself for a few months, while you continue to be fully who you are, with no pretending? That’s actually your best hope.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My old boyfriend came into the doctor’s office I was waiting at, checked in and sat down. I was so rattled looking at him, I stopped thinking and said, “What are you here for?” He stage-whispered back, “None of your business!”

I laughed and said, “So snarly! You got a bad hangover again?” People around me sniggered. He shut his mouth then, and the nurse quickly took him in for his appointment. When I stepped outside the doctor’s office after my appointment, there he was, waiting for me on the sidewalk.

“Think you’re going to live?” he asked me. I laughed and he took me for a coffee nearby. We talked for more than an hour, and so naturally.

Now I’m missing him, but he didn’t say one word about getting together with me, even though we had a ball together.

— Anxious to See Him Again! Grant Park

Dear Anxious: You didn’t ask him outright if he had a girlfriend or a wife. It’s amazing how many exes avoid that question when they run into each other. Instead, they do some “free” teasing and flirting.

That doesn’t mean they want a date; it just means they were on their own, had a little time and thought it’d be a lark to catch up. If this old flame felt interested again, he would have told you over coffee, or called you very soon afterwards.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I told this guy at work, who has a crush on me, that he should cut off his long hair, seeing he’s not in a band anymore. He came to work this week with a short, modern cut that actually looks terrible on him — ears sticking out and all.

He asked me how I liked it, and I said honestly, “I think I actually liked it better long.” He gave me such a dirty look I can’t describe it to you, and he hasn’t spoken to me since. This is a problem because we are in a special feasibility group at work starting in July. I feel like this situation needs an apology, but what can I possibly say now that won’t just make it worse?

— Big Mouth, West End

Dear Big Mouth: Consider this apology: “Please forgive me for my big mouth. When it comes to what might look good — especially in men’s hairstyles — people shouldn’t take anything I say seriously. The bottom line is you have a nice face and personality — and one hairstyle or another doesn’t make any difference.”

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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