Folks could be good judge of prospective beau

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This article was published 28/06/2023 (1173 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m 16 and a clown. I was in a crazy mood last week and for a laugh, I put my fingers in my mouth and whistled at a funny guy driving by that I kind of know, from him helping at music events at our high school.

He slammed on the brakes, I jumped in laughing, and told him I needed a ride home fast, because I was late! He knew the way (we live in a small town) and we laughed about a couple of people we knew on the way there. Then I said thanks and went to jump out, and he asked for my phone number. What? Oh well, I gave it to him.

Two hours later he called me, and asked me out for the next night. I wasn’t looking for that — I had just been joking around. I kind of felt I had to say yes, after what I’d done earlier. I did go to a party with him and everybody was older — early 20s. It turned out to be fun, even though someone there referred to me as “the baby.”

Now my parents are worried about him and I getting together, because he’s older and I have no dating experience. What can I do to get them to calm down?

— Overreacting Parents, southern Manitoba

Dear Overreacting: If this older guy can handle being with an upstart like you, he can handle meeting the people who created you. So, bring this guy home to meet your folks.

They will probably like him if you do, but they might also see something negative in him you don’t see, and they’ll tell you about it. That could be your “out” if you’re feeling uneasy. The age difference is another one, as you’re pretty much inexperienced and he may be quite experienced sexually, and in other ways.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m embarrassed to say I didn’t fall in love with my husband for his brains or personality. He just looked like everything I’d imagined in a hero — broad shoulders, big biceps, narrow hips and muscled legs. His personality? Not so much — kind of quiet, but I thought that was cute, back then.

So, we went out to sporting events and also danced, partied and made love. It was more than enough, at the time.

Then, we had to get married in a hurry, and were super busy with our boys for 16-17 years. But now, they’re graduating high school and leaving soon — one goes off to another city this September, and his brother goes away less than a year later. That means my husband and I are soon going to lose the buffer zone, and be faced with each other, all alone. We’ll have nothing to talk about! Our youngest practically lives at his girlfriend’s place already. The only thing my husband and I ever have good conversations about is our kids.

The reality is, I married a jock and beyond his sports and weight-lifting, he has zero interests. I feel a big emptiness coming on.

— Fear of Empty Nest, Charleswood

Dear Fearing: First, marriage doesn’t have to be built on mutual interests, or even a great shared intellectual foundation. In fact, many couples with mutual interests would envy the intimate relationship you still have with your quiet man.

Your best defence against empty-nest anxiety is to figure out new activities you can start doing together that are borderline sporty and involve groups, so you two can make new friends. Dance lessons, hiking groups, golfing, motorcycle riding or volunteering with charities or events would bring you a bunch of new friends, and a renewed feeling of busyness.

To get this happening, you’re going to have to spearhead the project and not resent it, as that’s never going to be something your shy husband is good at. Contact organizers and arrange to join up for new activities, starting this summer and fall. Although you may shed a few tears when your nest empties, you’ll be too busy to feel flat-out depressed. That’s better for your sons’ peace of mind, too. Guilt is a bad going-away present.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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