Keep resurgent teenage flame firmly in your past

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This article was published 23/06/2023 (1198 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Long ago, I found the love of my life — but we were doomed, as we were just teenagers. He was sent far away to university by his family because, to be honest, we were all over each other and they were afraid we’d get pregnant. They had big career plans for their son.

I cried all one fall when he went way across the country for school. His parents’ evil plan worked! We finally gave up writing and moved on without each other. In fact, we both married other people and had kids. I must say I have a wonderful husband I love deeply.

Imagine my shock when I ran into my first love in a pharmacy near my home in Winnipeg. My heart started pounding out of my chest! He looked almost the same, only older. A tear ran down my cheek — so embarrassing! I quickly wiped it away, saying it was because of the “surprise.” We spoke for a few moments and I found out he has a job here, and he’s back to live with his family. OMG!

I rushed away fast, not even knowing where he works or where exactly he lives. It can’t be that far away. Now how do I deal with this? I can’t tell my husband. I still love this guy from high school!

— Freaking Out, Tuxedo

Dear Freaking Out: One of the most unfortunate romantic beliefs promoted by our society is that there’s only one “love of your life” out there. The truth is, you can certainly have more than one, and at different times in your life.

Self-talk is really important for you now. Instead of telling yourself “Uh-oh, the love of my life has come back to town,” which puts your husband in second place, it would be more accurate to say to yourself, “The love of my teenage years has come back to town.”

It’s a subtle difference, but a very important one. Your high school love was your love for that spell of your life. Should your husband die before you, you may even find a third great love.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I took my new girlfriend out for dinner at a beautiful restaurant, and she didn’t like what she chose from the menu. She just ate her salad and pushed the main course around on her plate. I’m a big guy — a football player — and always hungry.

I said, “Hey, you want to order something different? No problem!” She said no, and started picking at her salad like a bird eating gravel. I couldn’t help myself. I reached over and grabbed her dinner plate and dumped it onto my mine and ate it hungrily! I didn’t notice at first, but she was watching me in horror.

Dinner ended fast, I paid, and she said, “I’m taking a cab home!” When I thought she’d be home, I phoned and asked her, “What happened?”

She said, “You took my dinner and shovelled it all onto your plate, and then into your mouth like a pig — in a beautiful restaurant!” Then she hung up. That’s it for us. Nobody’s calling me a pig and getting another date, but what should I have done?

— “Pig” Who Bought Dinner, St. Boniface

Dear Pig: It wasn’t so much the fact you ate her dinner that upset her, it’s the way you did it. You’re a big athlete and you employed a “boarding-house reach” right across the restaurant table to grab her plate. Then you scraped her food unceremoniously on top of yours! That’d be uncouth at any dinner table, but especially in a nice restaurant.

You should have asked her to “at least order a nice dessert,” and then had her dinner packaged up to go, for her roomies or for her family. That would be gentlemanly behaviour, and she’d still be talking to you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a single lesbian woman who’s struggling with dating. I have a phobia about meeting someone online who turns out to be a creep. To that end, I only meet women face to face in well-populated spots, like coffee shops.

I have a favourite one and the last three times I was meeting somebody, a “mystery woman” was also there waiting to “interview” a few prospects. She looked at me and smiled knowingly. We were obviously doing the same thing. How can I talk to her without looking like a dork?

— Wanting to Meet Her, Osborne Village

Dear Wanting: Now that you’ve seen her three times at that shop, and exchanged smiles, you’re not entirely strangers. Walk over when nobody’s with her, and say, “Hi, it seems we may have the same coffee date meeting place. Want to chat with me while you’re free?” Then see what happens. You two might end up friends, or even more, with a movie-style “meet cute” story to tell.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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