Sneaky boozing, extreme disrespect says it all

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This article was published 16/06/2023 (891 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My new boyfriend’s mouth tastes of liquor even after he comes home from work, where he has a high-level job. Either he’s drinking at work in his office or he’s got bottles stashed in the car, I don’t know.

Last night, the minute he got inside the door and kissed me with his stinky mouth, he poured himself another drink at his bar, made an exaggerated shiver, and said, “God! I needed that!” I just stared at him. I said, “How many drinks did you have today?”

He grabbed me and squeezed my arm tight and said, “Now you’re counting the drinks I have? Who do you think you are? You’re lucky to be living with me. Somebody ought to give you a smack!” Then he grabbed for my other arm, and I broke free and ran out the door.

Now I’m at my mom and dad’s, and left all my stuff at his place — until this morning! I opened the kitchen door, and it was all sitting there in soggy boxes. Now what?

— Missing the Good Side of Him! Tuxedo

Dear Missing: This violent man considers himself finished with you now. That’s the best result possible. Stay away, and don’t look back.

To help with your resolve, get some counselling to examine falling for this two-sided man who goes from passionate and adoring to drunk, controlling and violent. Your parents will no doubt be happy to help pay the fees.

To avoid another man of this kind, or a second try from him, you’ll learn the first steps of the pattern — the Prince Charming stage, and how things decline from there into the nasty disintegration that follows. And, sooner than you think, you can become the target of severe physical abuse.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve been married for almost 34 years now. With all of our kids and grandkids not living here in our small town anymore, I want to travel so badly! But my husband says no way, with no explanation. He’s has retired recently, too. He’s acting very strangely.

In fact, he recently moved himself, his small TV and computer into the second bedroom. He has stopped having sex with me altogether — he says he’s “too old for that stuff.” It sounded like a lie to me.

I also asked him to buy a camper with me, and go lake-exploring this summer but he turned me down flat, just saying, “No way! What would we talk about?”

He now he sticks to a predictable retiree’s routine — reading the paper, answering mail, paying some bills, going to the café for coffee with friends. Then he’s home for lunch I prepare, barely speaking except for grunts. Then he goes running and asks for an early dinner. What for? His stupid golf? I don’t think so!

My best friend sees his truck heading east down a gravel road past her place most evenings. Her place is partially hidden by bushes. What is he doing? For sure, he’s not treating me with respect anymore! I promised my dead mother I’d never stay with a man who didn’t treat me right. God knows she put up with way too much in her marriage to my father.

— Ready to Quit Him, southeastern Manitoba

Dear Ready to Quit: There’s nothing fun, sweet, companionable or sexy coming your way from your husband. You’re getting silence and possibly deceit. Better heed your mom’s advice. If she were alive, she’d be saying: “This man’s not treating you right!” Where is he going at night?

So, pay your best friend a visit, and ask her, “What else have you heard about my husband’s activities that you haven’t had the nerve to tell me?” There’s likely to be a lot more.

If you hear about an affair, don’t make a scene with your husband when you both get home. In fact, it’s best to hire your own lawyer ahead of any divorce showdown, to get an idea of what kind of settlement would actually be fair.

Also, be aware that your husband might try to make up with you, but perhaps not out of love. Your intact marriage may be keeping a possible other woman from getting ideas about permanency and sharing his assets one day.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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