Support for co-worker’s sexuality calls for subtlety

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 14/06/2023 (1207 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I went to the recent Pride parade, just to support it. I didn’t see anyone I recognized personally, except my younger brother and his friends. I spotted them all dressed up in wild costumes and dancing. He looked like he has having the time of his life with his friends. I was happy for him.

And guess who was standing with him? One of my co-workers! I really like this person, and I’d guessed he was gay, but I was always afraid I’d mess up if I started digging into this aspect of his life, and he wouldn’t like it.

I’d love to know his situation, and I would support him. At least he should know one person at his work has a gay family member — but I guess my brother may have told him already. What is the proper thing to do now with people who don’t offer their story?

— Want to Reach Out, North Kildonan

Dear Reach Out: Your workmate may know your brother from way back. So, when you’re back at work, lead with a mention of the parade, and how proud you were of your brother. Then your co-worker can add something to the conversation or just pass over it with “Oh, that’s nice!” and a change of subject. Some people are sensitive about who knows what and how much. At least you’ve let him know you’re supportive and anytime he wants, he can say more.

It shouldn’t be a big deal to reveal in 2023, but for some people it can still be difficult.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend quit her job two weeks ago. She said, “I have $10,000 in savings and I’m taking a rest until fall. Then she went straight into her bank account and e-transferred me a big chunk of money for her half of the bills, for the next two months.

I couldn’t argue with that. I also can’t afford to quit work this summer, or even take holidays. I never save money. It’s for spending, I thought. Plus, we’re pretty young — not even 20 yet.

Now what am I supposed to do while she sits on her butt with her feet up in her ridiculous bunny slippers? Things are getting snarky, especially when I get home from work and I’m bagged and she hasn’t done a thing around the place. What now?

—Grouchy Boyfriend, Fort Richmond

Dear Grouchy: Rather than sitting there staring at your idle girlfriend, pick up a second job for a month doing evening deliveries, and slap that money down for half a holiday together in early August. After that your lady will have to be looking for a new job, and hopefully you’ve learned to save month-to-month from your pay.

Here’s a novel idea: Why not start a joint travel account in the fall and see the world between jobs? Then neither of you will be boring to each other anymore.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography